It has taken thirty odd years for me to grasp that I am not like other women. One place this has proven to be true yet again, is the sparring ring at martial arts. Our school doesn't use pads and sometimes, with us upper belts, it can get a little intense. And I love it. Some days I feel like I am really poor at it and other days, I think, that I was OK.
Many of the other women and both young and past teenage, have commented how they don't like to spar. I believe there are several reasons for this. Sparring is so different for women. Men are hard-wired for physical contact and aggression. They have testosterone to fight for them. Women are designed to nurture and not hurt one another. Which is why we can be easier victims. We get hit and think, "Oh my, that was NOT nice.." And while we are thinking this, we get smacked again and it's too late.
One of the things martial arts teaches you is how to get hit and become desensitized to it. You take that energy and it ramps you up. My lifetime experiences with horses had already gotten me over the whole pain thing, and the whole something large coming after me. Yet, having a person come after you is different. Men don't know how intimidating they can be. Or how strong. Sparring is the training ground for the mind to keep thinking while a lot of your hard-wiring is wanting to do anything but fight. Instinct is hard to circumvent.
As an assistant instructor, I am adamant that my female students get that through their heads. You gotta do the uncomfortable stuff so if you are in that situation, you have a chance. The disadvantage women have is the lack of desire to hurt someone who hurts them. Any woman will tell you, whether she has kids or not, that if you hurt her children, you die. But if you hurt me, there is this hesitation. We have no problem defending others, but a challenge when defending ourselves.
Sparring gets you over that. Or at least it tries to. It's not always fun or pretty and it is a challenge on a personal level for all of us in different ways. Yet that is part of what it is for. It is to teach you there is calm even in chaos, that there is a rhythm even in the unpredictable, that there is an unforeseen center. You must just hear it, feel it, let it speak to you.
It just takes a while.
I am happy to say that even the most "girly" of our students are becoming self assertive, intense women in the sparring ring. Each one has her own road to hoe on this. I know this transfers to the outside world.
It will serve them well.
3 comments:
Amen! And you serve as a great role model for us more "girly" girls.
Oh, represent.
I think that many will agree with me when I say, if we chicks aren't more than a little on our toes with you, you'll get that "oh no you didn't look" that you sometimes get, and then proceed to demolish us, all the while having perfect technique.
But seriously, thanks so much for all you do. You are an awesome martial artist, and inspiration to all the students, which is made all the more commendable due to the lack of estrogen in martial arts. I always look forward to having my butt handed to me on a silver platter, twice a week, every week. That's a lot of butt.
As a fellow female Warrior (not in martial arts, however), the philosophies imparted in MA can be applied in all aspects of life. For woman as well as men.
During my years as a personal trainer, I am familiar with what you describe. Most women possess a psychological barrier to being strong; physically and psychologically. One influences the other.
To quote Henry Rollins (Iron):
"I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone's shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr.Pepperman.
Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart."
I suspect similarly applies to martial arts. (as a friend and MA attests to).
Women can be strong, too, in body, spirit and heart.
Post a Comment