Always Ask the Question

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

2011-12-06T22:35:00.003-06:00

The past week, John and I drove to Washington DC...to settle him in for the next 10 months.
Ouch.
He is on a project and must be on site for the next 10 months. Of course we will be seeing each other monthly at the least, but it will still be quite the adjustment. I am pretty sure Skype is in our future. I don't really have any fears regarding our relationship, nor does he, it is the not having my best friend with me. That is what I am most sad about.

I am thankful he is safe...he is not in Afghanistan..no one is trying to shoot him...so, I count my blessings.
It is just part of life we will have to endure. I will work a great deal, stay busy and get some mountain biking time in. Kate will keep me company too. I feel badly for John as he is removed from his entire environment; friends, dog, home, schedule. I recognize that is really hard.
I am sure all will be well, but it is still going to have OK days and really sucky days.

Hint, Hint.

2011-12-06T22:32:00.001-06:00

You ever have the feeling of “I’m forgetting something,” when you are about to leave the house? Yeah, and if you are like me, it is always right.

How is it that the subconscious mind knows something, perceives something is amiss, and yet does not or cannot tell the conscious mind in any other manner than an odd feeling in the pit of your gut? The boundary between the conscious and unconscious minds fascinates me. The subconscious perceives things that the consciousness does not and yet still knows these perceptions are important; this evidenced by those gut feelings we all know and love.

Additionally, if you are like me, when the “you're forgetting something” feeling strikes, you go back in the house, look around and about 60-70% percent of the time figure it out. Then the feeling instantly vanishes. Wow. It is interesting how a subconscious perception can be deemed important enough to notify the consciousness, but it can’t be spelled out. It has to be a “hunch” or “a feeling.” And yet, when the thing or item or event is figured out, the notification evaporates.
Fascinating.

Update on CCRN

2011-10-30T03:10:00.002-05:00

Wow, all that prep and I forgot to tell everyone that I passed my CCRN first time, right out of the gate! I was glad I prepared for it the way I did, as this always lowers my test anxiety. All I learned while studying for it will serve me well, but mainly my patients will benefit!

Handy Man

2011-10-21T22:27:00.002-05:00

John has almost completed his total kitchen overhaul!! He has done a fantastic job, and it looks amazing! Granite counters, custom stained cabinets, Hickory wood floors and a black walnut bar top right off the family farm in OK!! We have done all the work ourselves, along with help from his parents as well. John, of course, has done the majority of the work, but I helped whenever I could! Can't wait to throw a party!!

Circular

2011-10-21T22:23:00.002-05:00

My friends, Bruce, Christy and their son Gavin are staying with me right now until their new house is completed. This is the third time Christy and I have lived together and the second time all of us, save Gavin - he's only 2.5 yrs - have lived together. Even in my smallish home, it is going well! It's like revisiting a past time. I know they will be UBER excited for the new house to be completed, but I think we are having fun hanging out with one another. It was mutually beneficial, comfortable and loving! I am having great fun showing Gavin bugs and generally hanging out!

Juice it Baby

2011-10-19T12:04:00.002-05:00

I bought a Breville juicer and have started juicing; not exclusively, just in addition to my regular diet. I had put on a few pounds, and after watching, Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, decided I would give it a try. That was the easiest 13 pounds I ever lost! I found I am just not craving anything. I eat,I juice, I'm satisfied....I just don't get hungry. And it's TASTY. I highly recommend it!

Alone in the Bay

2011-05-21T17:08:00.003-05:00

I went out for the first time ALONE to row. No one else was there, save a few people across the way fishing...I proved to be excellent entertainment.

I got the shell and me together, in the water with the oars on the correct side and disembarked without much difficulty. The wind was still up, so I just rowed in circles in the bay, working on steering, turning and generally how to get the oars, shell and me to get along and agree on what the hell we were doing. It actually went really well.

Then, came the return to the dock, or The Landing. Remember, rowing is a sport one faces backward to the direction of motion. It took three tries and some crafty oar-pulling-me-closer-to-dock action for me to finally get it done. I could not help but notice the very entertained fisherman across the bay...he just kept laughing! I supposed I could have sold tickets....

The rowing is going very well and the only down side to it is Kate ("Fuzzy Pants") can't go with me.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

2011-05-21T16:58:00.002-05:00

Why is it so impossible for most people to be happy 'where they are?' How is it that no matter how well an individual is doing, often times, there is this constant, I need more, I want more, this is not enough.

Is it the constant deluge of advertising? The ever-present magazine covers showing all the stuff you need in order to fit in or be accepted? That sense of lacking and incompleteness seems to seep into our everyday existence with the stealth of the latest military stealth bomber.

I have to wonder this because I am generally one of the happiest people I know an I don't have all that stuff. I don't even have cable. I have a few other friends who also believe, "You make your own happiness." This is true.

Is happiness a choice? Do you craft it out of an appreciation of much needed rain, the fact your car is paid for AND still runs well, or just that you have a roof over your head that does not leak regardless of the size of that roof?

It seems that our lives have become so fast paced we have no time but for looking forward so as not to trip over the next obstacle, but yet no time to reflect, turn around and look behind us - to be grateful for how far we have come, how much we have accomplished.

You can wish this, wish that, wish, wish, wish, but really, in the end, wherever you go, there you are.
You have to learn to be at peace with that.

Right or Privilege?

2011-05-21T16:28:00.003-05:00

I have been talking with people regarding whether they think medical care is a right or a privilege. I have talked with MDs I work with as well as fellow RNs, friends and family.

The general consensus of medical staff is health care is a privilege. Some friends say privilege and some say right. I found this conversation necessitates defining these terms:

Right - something a civilized, developed nation should guarantee at a basal level to its citizens. Basically the same thing as you should be able to be safe in your home, pursue whatever career choice you want and the choice of worshiping, or not, whatever deity you chose.

Privilege - something earned, bestowed upon or above and beyond those basal "Rights" spoke of earlier. Like a driver's license. You have to behave within parameters to obtain and keep you privilege to drive.

Once those definitions were hashed over, I came to think the following: I think every person should have a right of some basal level of medical care. Vaccinations, annual physicals, screenings, nutritional education; all basal levels of care that should be available to all. To me, these equate to the betterment of society and thus provide for a more productive society. An investment that benefits society as a whole, much like our public school system does now. I pay taxes and don't have kids, but I see the need for public schools.

However, there are levels to health care that are most certainly a privilege. Keeping people alive when the most honest, humane thing to do is to "let nature take its course," is not a right. As harsh as it sounds, I think if you want that for a family member, or even if you yourself wrote this out in a living will, your estate or your family needs to cough up the cash to pay for it.

There are many other instances where a much higher level of care or intervention is a privilege and should often times be denied to an individual so that greater resources are available for the society at large.

As a health care professional, the real question is this: Will these interventions (treatment) improve or return the person back to his or her previous level of function and comprehension? Will we really make something better? Or are we just prolonging death?

Once those questions are posed, one still has to ask, who is going to pay for it? The reality is someone is going to.
Our society has become removed from the fact health care is not a product, it is not something one purchases that will have perfect function and is completely full-proof in its application. If it does not do what the person receiving it expects, you cannot return it for a refund! This attitude of "It did not work the way I wanted, so now give me my money back plus pain and suffering..." well, that is the attitude of privilege.

Another recent attitude of privilege is people expect hospitals to be 5-star hotels. Hospitals used to be wards...with curtains. But our "I'm so entitled" society now thinks they need to be at the Westin while having surgery, or even just food poisoning....

So what do you think?
Privilege or Right?

Real Live Farm-is-ville

2011-04-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

I’m Farm-sitting again in Farmersville...No, no not the online Facebook version but with real-live animals!
I actually had someone ask me if I sat and did farmville on facebook all weekend....crazy.

It is so peaceful out here, just some bugs and an occasional bark from the dogs...Very nice. I am taking care of their 5 horses, and four dogs and have my own dog out here with me. Everyone is actually getting along fine. Since it isn’t supposed to rain like crazy, I may even ride some this weekend. That’ll be a twist! Even though I grew up on a horse, I haven’t ridden for a while now. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Right now, I’m just enjoying the quiet.

ANOTHER ugly standardized test!!

2011-04-21T21:46:00.001-05:00

Wish me luck!! I have signed up for my CCRN or Critical Care Registered Nurse test. It is quite the “feather in my hat” and I hope I pass the first time!! I don’t want to take it again OR pay for it again.... It’s pricey! Work does reimburse once you pass. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

A new adventure

2011-04-21T21:44:00.002-05:00

I have had an over-powering urge to try rowing, or, sculling as I think it is most appropriately called. I have read some about it, and think it is right up my alley. I have been trying to get into the martial arts they way I need to in order to satisfy my need for physical exertion and it just isn’t doing it for me right now. I haven’t really taken a break from it in about 12 years, so this seems fitting. Sculling is supposed to do the same thing; be a total body workout and be super hard, sweat your butt off and exhaust you. Sounds perfect. The start up memberships and all are a little pricey, but still cheaper in the long run than my martial arts is. I will go give it a try and see. Maybe this will be my next 10 year obsession...

My Civic Duty

2011-01-13T16:04:00.003-06:00

I had Jury Duty today. Yeah.
I was one of 65 people who went in to answer that lengthy questionnaire regarding the case we were being considered as jurors.

This was different: It started with a power point presentation. It started with a synopsis of legal definitions and the differences in the world of legal vs the world of...well, just the rest of the world. I must admit, the whole experience was interesting as it gave a brief, slightly structured view of the legal world. I was interested. Law is a very interesting field just one I don't think is my cup of tea. I do not know if I will be called back to serve, and actually I hope not simply based on the time I would miss work. If I could avoid missing work, I would be interested to go and be part of the process.

Our system at work!

First Snow

2011-01-09T20:33:00.002-06:00

It isn't just the first snow of the new year, it is the first of our winter. I have never been really crazy about holidays, but I love this time of year. I feel as though this time of year is almost a required "slow down" time, a "hunker down and recover" time. The snow is the perfect clue to rest up. I hope this new year brings less stress and more of a relaxed way of going. I have had my fair share of stress for a while.
Best new year wished for everyone. May it be filled with health, happiness and the love of friends and family.

Last Minute!!

2010-12-20T14:28:00.002-06:00

I am finishing the shopping I need to do Wednesday. Nothing like waiting till the last minute, eh?

It is just a few little things, and it will be fun! Well, as fun as shopping can bed since I really dislike it to begin with. I do plan to take advantage of the after Christmas sales and at least look around.

The greatest gifts are still the simplest:

Laughter
Love
Health
Friends
Family

the things that cannot be bought but only gifted. These are the best gifts.
Happy Holidays.

The First Christmas Without Mom

2010-12-20T14:25:00.003-06:00

My mom passed away Sept., 22 as many of you know. This is the first holiday season without her. I am sure it will hit home a little later, but at this time, I just know she is enjoying all the lights and spirit from another perspective.

With her Alzheimer's she, and I mean "her", who she is/was - well, she was gone a long time. The season will be less painful with respect to watching her not be able to follow our family conversation and the sadness and confusion in her eyes of knowing she doesn't know but not really knowing what it is she is not following.

Wierd, I know...

We all miss her, but she is in a better place.

For Health Care to Work...

2010-11-13T21:14:00.002-06:00

There are many levels of change that are required if we really want to change health care. Here are just a few with (hopefully) brief comment.

1-Culture: The idea that "I can do what I want and live the lifestyle I want and when I need to be treated, I should get all the treatment I need regardless if I can pay for it or not."
If you have something like open heart surgery and you continue to smoke, not exercise and refuse to change your life, then you don't get another shot...especially if it was on someone else's dime in the first place. People must decide to make an investment in their own health. There is personal responsibility required. Which brings me to the next thing...

2-Doctors should be able to tell you "no." They should be able to be brutally honest with their patients, and not get sued.

3- Consequently, I think there should be greater education on the "after surgery" part as much as what the surgeon will do when he is operating on you. The recovery is very much the patient's responsibility. But the doctors have to give a realistic picture of what that recovery will entail. I hear people all the time say, "If I knew it would be this hard or like this, I would not have done this."

4- An end to the " I deserve this" mentality. EX: Patient comes in, has smokes in his back pocket, hundreds of dollars of tattoos, the latest, most expensive smart phone, and has expensive clothing and yet tells you he cannot afford the blood pressure medicine. But the patient feels like he deserves your best service, to be fed, and pampered and can be rude to the staff.
WTF??? PRIORITIZE YOUR LIFE. Because now, since the person was too idiotic to spend his dollars in the correct spot (i.e. BP meds), this person has had a stroke from too high blood pressure, his right side no longer works and is now disabled for life. Wow, the blood pressure meds are looking PRETTY inexpensive now.

5-Frivolous lawsuits. Just because something bad happens does not always mean it is someone's fault. Life sucks that way sometimes. We need a screening panel of doctors, nurses, and non-medical people with at least a 4 year degree to review lawsuits to determine if it has merit or is just bullshit.

6- And with reference to #5, doctors need to be trusted. Doctors have to order ever damn test in the world to cover their asses even when their experience tells them the tests are unnecessary. But on the tiny, minuscule chance that something can go wrong, they do everything imaginable to cover their butt. And it's ALL expensive.

7- Tell you doctor the f'ning truth. Don't lie to him because your labs won't lie. "No, I haven't used cocaine in several months." Really? Then why is your toxicology screen positive for cocaine and marijuana AND barbiturates??? Just wondering. Just tell him the truth.

We need to remember something about medicine. The reason its called a Medical Practice is because that is what doctors and nurses are doing...they are practising.

Medical care is not a product - it is not something you buy that is pristine and perfect and if it does not do what you want, you get a refund. Medical care is a service and at times, it is really hard to do. The vast majority of service providers in health care are interested in caring for their patients to the best of their ability. But it is never perfect and never full proof. With honest communication (see #7), it can be a great service.

Lots has to change for health care to get better. That change has to be in the community, in legislation, in how docs get paid and with personal responsibility. So many levels of change...
Wish us luck!!

Because it's funny...

2010-10-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

To Begin Again

2010-10-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

I have recently (and finally!!) found a new martial arts program. It is training with people I have trained with before but who are developing a new style.

MaruDo is the style name and it most resembles a combination of traditional Japanese Karate and Ike Jujitsu. Weapons will be incorporated as well but it will be later. The Ike I knew would take forever to learn, but I still love it. The Karate I knew would be different but I thought might be easier to get on board with.
But, alas, I am wrong.

Having to retrain and unlearn 10+ years of muscle memory is a pain in the butt. It is coming along but a constant vigilance is required in order to learn and unlearn. Not to mention getting all of those muscles back in that kind of shape! Every class leaves me drenched in sweat and sore for a couple days after.
I totally love it.

I really am enjoying this new style because of how it incorporates many different aspects of the many branches of martial arts. The Karate half mandates that the body be a whole piece (very Tai Chi), moving in a continually connected fashion both physically and psychologically. The power you can generate when you “get it” is fantastic, but it is hard to do when 10 years is arguing against you! It feels so fluid and lighting fast, it is just going to take slow, steady practice to get there.

But that’s OK, as I am a patient woman. Anything requiring sweat, personal growth and perseverance matched with continually sore muscles is my cup of tea, and yes, my cup is empty.

How Hard is Too Hard?

2010-10-23T20:44:00.002-05:00

One of the docs and I got into a discussion about the future work ethic of the medical field. He is a well experienced MD, and is a little aghast at some of the changes in medicine happening with each passing day. He told me that new MD's have mandated naps and breaks in long 16 hr shifts, don't do surgeries the day after they are on call were a few of the "changes" that administration has put into play in an effort to reduce medical errors. His research indicated that none of these changes had made any difference in error rates over the last few years.

His question was this; when a patient goes south and it's an "inconvenient time" will the new MD's being trained today be able to deal? He sees that the work ethic is just not there. Not to say these newbies aren't driven and determined, but sometimes the only way to be ready is trial by fire. Medical training is supposed to be awful and hard and difficult with sleepless nights because when it goes badly, you need to have walked that path before. Residency is when you are worked to death so you learn how to keep surviving while there is still a safety net.

Twice this week we have had patients crater at really bad times. One had to go to surgery from 12 Am to 4AM - that MD had already put in a 12-13hr day seeing patients. The other was on the unit. That MD had finished open heart surgery 4 hrs before and ended up massaging the person's heart with his hands for an hour and 40 minutes in an effort to save the patient. This had to be done with the bare minimum of resources as it was on the unit and NOT in the OR.

The only way to be able to deal in those situations is to have been forced to do it before.
Some things are supposed to be hard. Otherwise everyone would do them.

Relationships and Caring for People

2010-10-23T20:29:00.002-05:00

A co-worked and I talked about how long it takes to develop a relationship with your co-workers and the doctors who are regularly on our unit. Taking care of critically ill people is a game not played alone. When the fecal material hits the rotary machine, it is ALL about the team. None of us could do our job without our co-workers and that includes, our fellow RN's, the MD's and our respiratory therapists.

But these relationship-this trust- takes time to develop. I have been on this unit for 2.5 yrs now and love my co-workers and my MD's. There is one MD I have worked long and hard to develop a relationship with and a few weeks ago, I gave a run down of a patient's condition when he came to assess. Of course, the patient would not do any of the things I said he did for me because I had just given the patient sedation (timing!!). When I went to pause the sedation he said, "That's OK, don't worry, I trust you."
Wow, such powerful words.
It only took 2.5yrs.

We each are responsible for our patient's well being and yet all of us are responsible together. It just takes so much time to know how your fellow teammates work, think and act, especially under pressure. Having worked with one set of MD's longer, I know exactly how each of these docs work. I know what I can do and what I have to call about. That took time, but time I happily invested.

Working in the hospital is not like other jobs, people die, and your actions can and often do improve or make worse a person's situation. It is a huge responsibility, not just the liability; but for the truly vested, it is about your conscience. We really do care.

I still make mistakes every day, I learn and go on, because dwelling on them only leads to more errors. But I know my team believes in me and supports me, just as I do them.
I relationship I gladly nurture.

Kate Update

2010-10-21T17:35:00.003-05:00

My dog Kate has settled in nicely. Her separation anxiety has subsided almost completely and she is learning her obedience dutifully. Her comic streak continues to emerge in hysterical fashion.
My favorites to date are:
-she does not like to walk on fallen leaves and watches closely on walks to avoid stepping on them
-She loves wood floors. When she chases her toy she purposefully pounces on it and slides with all four feet across the floor obviously enjoying.
-To combat her separation anxiety she still raids the laundry hamper to have some clothing with her while she is on her dog bed. (It's always the work-out gear that REEKS!)
The best part is how affectionate she has become.
Actually the best part is I have a regular, always enthusiastic running/walking/biking/hiking partner!!

Another Phase in Life

2010-10-21T17:22:00.003-05:00

September 22, 2010 my mother passed away. Her health had declined rapidly over the last two months prior to her passing, but still, it took myself and my four other siblings by surprise.
There was just that call, "I am so sorry, but I have to inform you that your mother passed away earlier today."
In our shock, sometimes are responses can be almost comical as was my brother's, "What, you mean she didn't fall out of her wheelchair??"

I have to wave the flag of gratitude as my siblings and I were all on the same page as to what Mom wanted and what her last wishes were. One task that was largely painless.

There are many feelings I did not anticipate with her being gone. The major one is how much of an orphan I feel like. My father has been dead for many years, 19 to be exact. My mom had mentally been absent for many years what with her late stage dementia. But she's just gone now. It is different in a way a did not anticipate.

Truthfully, my family and I are grateful that her end was quick and without some extended hospital stay. Although her skilled nursing care facility was top-notch and beautifully run, it still was not her own home. We all hated that fact for her and we are certain she did as well.

At any rate, life seems to march on regardless.

2 Years out

2010-07-29T15:44:00.002-05:00

June marked my 2 year anniversary working as an ICU RN. I love what I do.

I am just about ready to go back to school. I would like to start next fall for my masters. If I could get this out of the way, then whenever I am ready I can teach.

The one thing about nursing, that RN allows you to do almost anything. I have so many choices. My 10 years+ of research experience lends me some rather unique opportunities as well. I am so very happy where I am at, it will be a while before I am ready to do anything different on a full-time basis.

As with any job, there are things that are not so fun, but over all it suites me perfectly.
That 05:00 alarm is at the top of the "Bleh" list!

Will Euthanasia ever be Allowed

2010-07-29T15:20:00.004-05:00

Not to go all Kevorkian on you, but I have to ask if the right to end one's life by choice, or the life of a family member with some horrible life-ending disease will ever be allowed.
I and my family currently have the responsibility to care for my now severely demented mother. It is a time, emotional and financial responsibility.
Recently, she was in the hospital and upon her return home, this event has proved to be a tipping point of sorts.
She is no longer her; meaning, she has no recollection of how to be her or who she is/was.

As I sat and held her the night she got home, she cried and cried because she did not know where she was. She did not know how the bruises got on her hands. These were from the IV's she kept pulling out. She is in a constant state of fear and unknowing, a constant state of unconnectedness. She cannot care for herself even in the most basic of ways.

How is this living? How is this not suffering? Believe me, I don't want bad things to happen, but I would give anything for "her," her consciousness to come down, observe herself and talk to me.
Would she want to continue on like this?
How would she feel about our upcoming decision of having to have her be in a skilled nursing environment? She cannot live with one of us, she would be dangerous to herself and to the household.
What would she say?

Working in the ICU, I see many people watch in anguish and pain as their loved one approaches the end of their life.
Why do we currently feel like we have to allow people to come to their end, slowly, painfully and without dignity?
I guess really, the question is why are we so afraid of death?
What would the people say who are lying in the bed, if given the opportunity and ability to answer one last question: "If you can end it all right now, do you want to?"

I think this is a question our society will come to face, very, very soon.

Kate update

2010-06-16T10:52:00.002-05:00

Kate has settled in nicely into our lives. She is a wonderful dog and I am so happy to have her. Her list of "learning experience:"
-broken the front window twice
-has learned to test the electronic collar, when it doesn't beep, she goes over the fence and to John's house.
-discovered my stuffed walrus is NOT hers
-Learned sit, down, shake, speak. Come and stay are in progress and doing well.
-Crate training is not going well.

My hope is that she will be able to be in and out of the house eventually. Right now she has to be outside when I am not home. The window replacement is a pain.

The Prep for Stugis

2010-06-16T10:43:00.003-05:00

Our annual driving trip this year is to Sturgis, South Dakota. This is where the largest motorcycle rally is held every year. This year is the 70th anniversary. We both know this will be, um, "outside the box," but life is a buffet, right? Meant to be tasted, watched, smelled, touched and sampled. I can't WAIT for the pictures. John is of course going with full camera gear.

We are hauling the bikes up and then will be riding all over the place. On the "must do" list is Mt Rushmore and general riding in the black hills. I can't wait to see it all. The weather should be ideal, which is important as we are camping. We are currently trying to settle the trailer issue and have a good lead thanks to a good friend. Wish us luck!!

Motorcycling...

2010-05-03T23:28:00.003-05:00

This past weekend we went for a nice long ride with another couple who are also motorcyclists. The weather was ideal, the company superb.

I found myself laughing on numerous accounts at how much you can communicate with a helmet on, the sound of motorcycle engines and, in my case, earplugs. I was reminded about the communication signals used while diving...

At any rate, here is a synopsis:
-pointing at the tank = "I need gas"
-fingers and hand drawn across your throat = "It's dead"
-open hands thrown to the side = "What is wrong? It won't ____"
-Open hand to the front of your full face helmet = "Blowing you a kiss."

It was fabulous riding and great laughs!
Life is good...

The Pendulum Swings Back...

2010-05-03T23:13:00.002-05:00

My friend KP mentioned something that I feel I have to comment on. She said she thinks the era of convenience is on its way out.
I think she is on to something.
We have found, as a society, that fast and easy is not always good. It, actually, is seldom good.

Fast food has given us record obesity and a shorter lifespan for our children.

Paying someone else to raise our children has proven to be a bad choice as well. More and more couples are deciding one of the parents needs to stay home.

I think society is finally figuring out that quality needs to trump quantity-or fast-or easy.

Dog vs Armadillo

2010-03-28T15:23:00.002-05:00

We were at the farm this weekend in Oklahoma. John's family has farmed for generations and we were out walking some of the land that borders the river. Kate was of course along for the weekend and she needed some exercise to more relaxed while in doors.

Lots of romping through the shrubs flushed an armadillo. A real live, not-run-over armadillo.
The chase was on!!

Kate chased the armadillo into a burrow and by this time we were all in pursuit as well. As Kate lost interest in the armadillo's boring burrow, she walked away when to everyone's surprise the armadillo came back out!

The chase was on again and with some barking this time.
It was fine entertainment!!
Armadillo vs Kate = DRAW!

Cutting health care costs

2010-03-21T16:58:00.003-05:00

If you want an excellent example of why our health care is so expensive, please watch the youtube video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m64cy1MMPg&feature=related

As crazy as this link is, it is completely true.

Reducing health care costs could start in a few simple places:

1-No family member (nor anyone for that matter) should have the ability to revoke a DNR. The only person who should be able to revoke a DNR is the person who make the decision in the first place. We see this all the time: The 91 year old person who has been a DNR for a few years, goes unresponsive (hello...he is dying...!) and the family says, "Oh no, do everything you can!!" When the patient wanted to let nature take its course....So we tube him, put him on gobs of expensive meds, so we can prolong his death until his family deals with their unfinished emotional business.

2-Allow doctors to be doctors. Many end of life decisions should be removed from the control of the family. I know that is a sore subject, but it is true.

3- Change in attitudes: Health care is so expensive because our culture believes it should be a 5-star hotel. People have the attitude that they should get what the want, all of what they want, all the time. The attitude of "You owe me," must change. An attitude currently rampant in many other areas of our culture.

4- Protect doctors. Someone died, because they were very, very sick, yet it has to be someone's fault. This is crap. Bad things happen but it is not always someone's fault. Yes, when health professionals make egregious errors (read cut off the wrong leg), these errors must be dealt with, and yes, some people should lose a license over it. Sometimes it just goes badly and no one made a huge error.
We have to get away from the attitude that every bad thing is someone's fault.
It's not. We also have to end stupid, ludicrous lawsuits.

The changes that need to happen to make health care more financially agreeable will mean less of what everyone refers to now as "customer service." It will be less control for the patient and the patient's family. It's a hospital, we are trying to save lives. Quality of life has to be a major factor in the equation, not unfinished emotional business or worse yet, no one wants to let him die because he is worth a lot of money - this last thing sickens me.

In the words of one of my fellow nurses:

"I can't prolong your life, but I can prolong your death."

True in ways you would be frightened to see....

Kate Update

2010-03-14T20:15:00.003-05:00

Kate is settling in nicely. She is calming down, her separation anxiety becoming less and less an issue. Her obedience training is coming alone. Sit, Stay, and Down are starting to be executed readily, although she is a bit stubborn.

Exercise is required, as she is a high energy dog. When walked and exercised, she is wonderful.

Yeah! New doggy!

Thieves!!!

2010-03-14T20:11:00.002-05:00

Thieves suck!!!

Last week my iphone was stolen at the gym. Sadly, I am now well versed on all the software and options for protecting your data and inactivating your phone.
This sucks!!

My whole life was on that phone. Now, I am trying to wait for my upgrade option time, (2 months) and decide if I want to purchase the MobileMe option that lets you remotely wipe the phone.

So frustrating!!

Our trials can be others' gifts.

2010-02-15T21:53:00.002-06:00

I have a friend who is battling cancer for the second time. She has a wonderful husband and two small boys. It is just unthinkable that she would be battling this AGAIN at such a young age and at the prime of her life.

Her attitude and the support of her family speak volumes of who she is and what we should all aspire to become. I can only imagine what this type a struggle is like, but I know from watching her progress and reading her posts, I am thankful for her healing and her heart.

That's how I think it goes sometimes. One person's struggle can teach you so much. Simple because you root for them so intensely. I want nothing more than for her to be healthy, cancer free and watch her two young boys graduate college and have kids of their own one day for her to spoil.

Just knowing I feel that for her, makes me realize how much her battle has taught me. How much it has taught me to be thankful people like her are in this world.
And I want her to stay.
A really long time.\
Go Debbie!!

Kate and John snuggling!

2010-02-15T21:52:00.003-06:00

Kate snuggled right up to John, melting into his lap and being oh so comfortable! She is starting to respond to her name and doing pretty well. We have a few challenges, but she will be all worth it!

Meet Kate!

2010-02-15T21:49:00.001-06:00

Here is Kate! I adopted her on Sunday! She is settling in well and very smart!

How Will We Change an Attitude?

2010-01-26T22:58:00.004-06:00

Edmund Burke

“ The only thing to allow for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

How do you teach people to forgive and not to hate? I just finished watching Tears of The Sun starring Bruce Willis. The story line is of a navy seal unit assigned to extract an American doctor from Nigeria since the rebel dictator murdered the democratically elected president and took over. She, of course, will not leave without some of the people she is caring for.

Watching the movie, I could not help but think of our own in Iraq and Afghanistan, apartheid from years past, even our own, on going battle with racism.

I think we have proven beyond any standard deviation that one nation, one culture, cannot transplant an ideal to another culture.

A culture can only come to a new way of doing things in their own time.

We cannot transplant democracy to Iraq.

We cannot walk in and tell people to stop hating another person because they are of a different religious faith, a different skin color, or a different language.

No amount of ammunition or force can change those things.

So, how is it that one person, or one nation can offer support to those ideals most conducive to peaceful, beneficial existence?

What do we offer for support for a people to protect themselves and their family, much less something as lofty as ideas?

Do we sell them weapons?

Give them weapons?

Do we educate them?

How do we teach them to grow beyond what they already are? To grow beyond where they are?

How does a culture change within itself?

What is that process?

It is a difficult question with no answer that is universal. Some of these things, we here in the US still struggle with intensely.

I do not think going in and solving problems for others really solves anything. People must learn to be self-sufficient. It is the same when raising a child, a pet, or a nation. Everyone has to have ownership of a culture, of a life.

Not to harken back to Biblical scripture, but, give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Even still, I think the man must be willing to learn.

Fresh Veggies!

2010-01-22T23:08:00.003-06:00

My tomatoes and broccoli are sprouting! the garlic is crazy already!

I planted three varieties of tomatoes and one of broccoli in my indoor seedling starter kit. They seem to be doing well so far. Little green sprouts are coming up. I will have to leave the top of the little greenhouse box off soon.

Keep on growing!

Already Mid-January 2010

2010-01-22T23:01:00.002-06:00

Wow, it's already mid January in the new year! I always have this vain hope the new year will pass a little more slowly than the previous.
Alas, I guess not.

Is it that the ratio of lifetime to one year gets more skewed as you age? Is this why time seems to fly by at an ever quickening clip?

I can remember as a child, awaiting the beginning of a new school year feeling as though summer would NEVER end. I was one of those kids that loved school....

Now I think, it is December again, already?? How did that happen?

Is the pace of time perception quickened by our state of busy? Or our endless responsibilities?
And yet, that watched pot still does not boil....

The questions of perception fascinate me.
I guess I can just try to stop and smell the roses!

Favorite Side Effects

2010-01-20T18:28:00.002-06:00

Below are a few of the best "side effects" patients have listed as to why they do not want a particular drug.

Ambien: "It makes me drowsy" (Isn't that the purpose??)
Morphine: "I see my dead relatives and it creeps me out." (This is valid...)
Zofran (an anti-nausea med that does not make your loopy like phenergen): "It doesn't do to me what I want." -> These people always want the phenergen....

Some of side effects listed that are funny, but I don't remember the drug associated:

"That makes my teeth hurt."
"I felt like someone was holding me down." (I did not ask whether there were restraints involved.)
It gave me anal leakage. (yeah...)

There are a few gems for your enjoyment.

Breckenridge 2010

2010-01-14T12:29:00.002-06:00

Our ski trip is again great fun! We all wish for more snow, but the slopes are groomed and the icy, slide-E parts are avoidable. I have done a great blue-black this trip and will continue skiing this trip. I won't say no to snowboarding in the future, but it has been great fun being able to hang with everyone and ski together. Never would have happened had I boarded.

I have not wiped out too badly either, falling only a very few times. However, I have had this crazy time of falling while getting off the lift. I have done this three times, at varying degrees of hysterical. The best was was my basically getting behind my skis and sitting on my skis while sliding on my palm all the while removing myself from the lift line. Janell pulled me up and they did not have to slow the lift. It is hard to get up while laughing hysterically.

The wrong turn by one of the group was also film quality distress. My choices for skiing were: mogels, grass, rocks, or ice.

Needless to say there was much falling down the slope. We made the mental note to never, NEVER do that run again. It was truly funny though.
Like I said, one of my goals this year was to laugh more....
Mostly at myself.
Check!

Car Maintenance

2010-01-07T09:18:00.004-06:00

I took the Subaru in for its 105K maintenance. Not as expensive as I thought it would be but pricey enough.

I intend to drive the car until it throws its wheels up into the air and cries "Mercy!" No car payment is dreamy and I don't want another one. My goal is to save up now and pay cash or lots of cash for the next one.
I see no reason to ever buy new again. You can get that "new car" smell in a bottle if you so desire, and for a lot less money.

I have decided my next auto purchase will be a medium sized truck. So many times I have needed the functionality of a truck! John promises to let me drive his sports car at least once a week if I buy a truck, so the deal was made! We will see how long the Subaru lasts, but I think, short of an accident, it will last for some time.

It drives much better now too. I don't fear dogging it at this time either! I will try very hard to avoid speeding tickets!!

Ski Time Yet Again!

2010-01-07T09:09:00.003-06:00

Saturday we leave for Breckenridge, CO. Ski-time is here again! This is unofficially mine and John's anniversary trip as this is where we got to know each other three years ago. Although I would not want to live in solid snow for 5 months out of the year, I love to visit, play in the snow, and ski.
Yes, just ski.
I believe I have, for one of the few times in my life, admitted defeat.
I have decided unless you live there and started snowboarding at a younger (read immortal here) age, snow boarding is just too hard to do once a year. I mean, I'm on vacation....

Skiing is great fun and I get a little better every year.

It is always a great time!
I do, however, have to get some diving in this year!!

A Year in Review

2009-12-29T21:50:00.003-06:00

As 2009 closes, I find myself looking back at the year.

I bought a house
I renovated it
I moved my mother to assisted living
I gave my sister a place to crash for a while - she is on her own road to home ownership!
Still lovin' my job
Still lovin' my motorcycle
Majorly lovin' my man (How did I get so lucky??)
I actually put up two strands of holiday lights - get back!!
Made substantial progress on my debt, still working on it though
Every single day reminds me how precious my health is.

What do I want to do next year??

Dive, dammit
Buy a second house (My current one is almost done, what will I do with my spare time??)
Go to Sturgis
Eat better, buy closer to home, more healthy
Ride the motorcycle a lot
Go back to school for my masters (may not get to this, but it is a good goal)

Oh, and laugh as often as possible. Mostly at myself.

Food for Thought

2009-12-29T21:28:00.002-06:00

I have done a lot of reading and have come to the conclusion I must change my eating habits.

I will do my best to purchase as locally as I can, and purchase those things in season.

I think the American people have decided they do not have any control over big business or how our food is brought to us.
But we do.

We vote with our dollars. If everyone decided to buy local and organic (such on overused word), the agribusiness machine would shift and upheaval would ensue. This needs to happen. If we as a population voted with our dollars, we CAN change how our food is grown, and how the people who grow and harvest it are treated. By making a conscious effort to buy only local, and buy from those who treat the animals they slaughter and the people whom they employee with respect and dignity, we can change how the food business runs.

Buy at your local farmers' market: There are several throughout the metroplex.
Plant a garden, even small one.
Buy what's in season, that way there is less expense going into making the produce/product in the first place.

Buying making small changes in your purchases, we, as a whole, can change things.
It's about supply and demand.
If we demand it -with our dollars- it will be supplied.
Hold big business accountable for how they treat their livestock, their employees and you, their customers.
You do have a voice, you do have a vote.

The gift that keeps on giving

2009-12-27T23:04:00.002-06:00

For Christmas, John gave me a Nook. I had been drooling over the Kindle and Nook for a long time and I think he did spectacularly on the gift!

Consequently, I was wish list shopping to build my reading list.

So. Many. Choices.

One of the titles I rolled across was "Survival of the Sickest, Why we need disease."

We do so need disease and as a society, we need to become OK with getting sick, slowing down so our bodies can heal and basically exercising our immune systems.

Disease keeps us healthy. Sounds strange, but it does. Us and our species.

Do yourself a favor and rest when you are sick, only take antibiotics when you have no other choice.

Even when sick, you are exercising....

You are exercising your immune system!!

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-24T22:20:00.002-06:00

This is to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday. Spend it with people who are important to you and realize that today, now, is the present.

The catalogs found me!

2009-12-12T13:56:00.003-06:00

I have moved so many times over the last three years, most all of the catalogs and extraneous mail I used to get went away.

But alas, this holiday season they are back! Amazing how they find me...they are even addressed to me too. I mean, yes, I understand 'mail forwarding' but still....

One that has returned is Dover Saddlery. I have to admit, flipping through it (I cannot seem to resist) brought on pangs of sadness as I looked over all the cool horsey gear and clothing. It reminded me how much I miss it. It also reminded me how expensive it is.

I would like to start riding again, and with my house almost finished, I hope this next year I will have whatever it takes to get to do just that.

Of course I am thinking of renting my house out and buying a new one...The house stuff may never end...

Motorcycle Dilemma

2009-12-11T10:21:00.002-06:00

John and I have decided to take a trip to Sturgis, one of the oldest motorcycle gatherings. It is South Dakota.
And yes, we intend to RIDE the whole way.

Considering I love my little Italian Pony, I have a hard decision to make....

Do I sell my beloved Ducati Monster 800 to buy something more fitting to the 4100 some-odd miles that lie ahead of us?

Or do I keep it, and rent (very expensive!) a bike to ride. (this option does not appeal, but rationally I have to keep it on the table).

Lastly, do I buy a cruiser and have two bikes? (Seems outlandish and I can't justify two bikes)

My frugal nature does not like any of these options. Since I also have a problem "settling" I am stuck.

If I could just go do whatever and did not have financial sense, I would sell it and get a BMW F800 ST, which I have drooled over ever since I sat on it at the motorcycle show two years ago...It has just as impressive a price tag...

Sturgis is in August, so I have a little time to think and chose. Gotta start putting the miles in to build up callouses in the right location....

Any thoughts from my riding friends out there??

Who Controls You?

2009-11-30T18:26:00.002-06:00

This seems a stupid question... You may think, "I decide things!"
But, in fact, do you?

One of the things I have tried to do, and is so very hard to do, is to make my behavior mine and only mine.
It is not contingent on what I get in return, who does or does not do something for me or who is or is not rude to me.

I want to chose my own behavior regardless of others' actions toward me. I strive to be the person I want to be every day, even if others are not nice to me.

Therefore, I ask again, who controls you?

Do you let rude or mean people alter your behavior?
Are you still carrying baggage around from some previous encounter?
When you see someone does that person's past behavior still affect you in some way?

When you allow someone else's anger, hostility, or negativity alter your own behavior, you are allowing them some level of control over you.

Resist!! It is not futile....

It is very, very hard to pull off all the time.

Pictures soon...House remodel!

2009-11-18T16:32:00.004-06:00

I have done the following to my house:

Changed out kitchen counter tops from vintage 1962 to oak butcher block
The above required installing a new sink and newer gas stove (as opposed to electric - how can you cook on electric??? Food requires fire!! But I diverge...)
Sanded and painted the kitchen cabinets
Changed out the hardware on said cabinets
Painted the vent -a-hood
Installed new bath vanities
Reseated both toilets
Redone the flooring in both baths

Totally love it! I am assembling the pics as I have been taking before and afters...

Oh! We mustn't forget the GYNORMOUS hole in the backyard that facilitated the city's cleaning out the blockage in the sewer main that forced the faster-than-planned bathroom remodels....

Still have to install the access to the main before I cover it back up....

A Few More Additional Things...

2009-11-18T16:30:00.001-06:00

Yes, I stand corrected....

Duct Tape should be added to the "What everyone (woman) should have and know how to use...blog.

Also:
Cable Ties
Teflon tape - used to connect plumbing so it does not leak!

Thanks for the correction!

The Month to Reflect

2009-11-18T15:14:00.003-06:00

Ah, tis' the month of Thanksgiving!! What are you thankful for? A quick few thoughts on what I am thankful for:

Health - You can't buy it and it is a gift
John
Love - Love of friends, love of family
The ability to learn from my mistakes so that I don't repeat them
The freedom this country offers
My attitude
The fact I really love my job
The fact that I really love my life
Being able to persevere
Being happy with what I have

Give it some thought...what are your really, really glad you have?

Tools every woman should own...And know how to use!

2009-11-18T14:54:00.002-06:00

This a list of tools, a basic set, that everyone, especially a woman should own and know how to use:

Hammer
Level
Drill with accompanying drill bits and phillips and flat -head attachment
Tape Measure - good one
Carpet knife
Ratcheting screw driver - these usually come with interchangeable heads for different sizes and flat vs phillips head. A must have.
Picture hanging set - they sell little sets so you can hang your art work/pictures!
Pliers
Channel locks - these are the long-handled pliers with adjustable bite

And last but not least....a desire to get dirty and feel great about your accomplishment!!

Latest Movie Suggestion

2009-09-30T21:43:00.003-05:00

If you want a moving, engaging movie that has an unlikely setting, Greenfingers is your movie.

It is about prison inmates that end up in an "open" prison. They are transformed by gardening and the trust the warden shows in them. Oh, and they end up entering a gardening show help at Hampton Place.

It is based on a true story and is a beautiful tale of how facing your demons is the only way to progress. Even if those demons are represented in bare earth, rocky, acidic soil and little outside help.

The movie is a definite watch for anyone. A wonderful story about life, learning to nurture one's self by nurturing and loving things around you.

A must watch!

Raw Food

2009-09-13T23:02:00.003-05:00

Over the last two months, I have been getting my eggs, milk, beef and chicken from a co-op. Good Stuff Co-Op is a source for raw, unpasteurized, straight-from-the-cow milk, farm fresh eggs, and ranch raised beef and chicken. Usually the chicken is slaughtered the morning of when you pick it up.

All the animals are raised on pasture which is free of pesticides and they all roam around, well, like animals are supposed to. I had done lots of research on raw milk and the free range, ranch animals. It all points to a MUCH healthier way of eating.

Two points I can attest to: The milk alone has cured my digestive issues. Regularity and a life free of stomach cramps is my new existence.

My allergies, have virtually vanished. I had suffered for a long time of sneezing fits and watery eyes that itched until I thought it would be better to claw them out.
All gone.

Cooking with the chicken and beef is fantastic as it has only healthy, omega 3 fats and is so much more flavorful. I highly recommend it to anyone.

The down side: Expense. The "good stuff" is pricier but I think it is really worth it. I see all kinds of illness and know first hand that your health is a gift that no amount of money can buy. You have to feed your body the right stuff, and take care of your body, so it can take care of you. In that respect, I guess buying better food is a way to buy your health...

You are what you eat. Make sure it is really, really good stuff.

The List

2009-09-08T00:05:00.002-05:00

Does any one else out there have "the list?"
You know, that list of stuff you want to do. People say it all the time, "That is going on the list!"

I keep trying to make progress on my list, but it also keeps growing. There are several things I've done but so much to do!

I hope to sky dive in the near future, toy further with the idea of a tattoo (WHERE?), get back to diving, travel, and do more remodeling on the house.

Oh, and the ever present get out of debt. I am making progress....

What's on your list??

CCRN

2009-08-24T15:10:00.004-05:00

In October I will be going for a CCRN review: Critical Care Registered Nurse certification.

It is a tough test, but I am determined to do well. It will be a nice feather in my cap if all goes well. The test covers everything in critical care, even stuff I don't do a lot of at this time.

What I do will also change soon. In October two of our ICUs are combining; ICU1 (me-neuro) and ICU4 (hearts).

I look forward to learning about cardiovascular ICU but I am a little, well a lot, scared to death as it is serious stuff. There is a lot of gadgetry in heart management, and I like that part. It is heavy duty nursing and I hope I am up to the challenge. So much to learn!!

My hope is the CCRN review and subsequent test will help gear me up for being successful in the new combined unit!
Wish me luck!

Cooking

2009-08-24T14:59:00.002-05:00

I am reminded how much cooking de-stresses me. This last week I work 5 days instead of the normal three. I agreed to work Tuesday as we were short at work, believing I would be canceled later in the week.
Alas, no, our unit was slammed and I worked all five days.
I was so mentally and physically exhausted by the end. Sunday I slept. We did manage to go to the gym and work out. I am pretty adamant about keeping up with my running now.

Today....well, I am cooking. Baking too. My co-workers will be happy!

I enjoy the prep, the smell of the food, the finished product...
I just enjoy cooking. It is a much needed de-stress-er. I made a chicken stir fry with garlic, ginger and soy, lots of veggies and rice on the side. Jasmine rice always smells so good.

Now I have lunch for the next two days for work, and I am content to go back to all the chaos that work can be.

Having problems?? Go Cook!!

A year of reflection

2009-08-21T20:37:00.003-05:00

Last month marked 1 year as an RN!

Looking back, I can see just how steep the learning curve was and still is. I feel like I am at mile 4 of those 9 miles out of the Grand Canyon; It has been steep already, but I have 5 miles to go and it is still straight up.
Overall I have tons of fun at work. My colleagues are fantastic people, super knowledgeable and just as crazy and fun as I am. I am very fortunate to work with such an experienced staff.

Even the days like today, where none of us sat down practically all day, ran our behinds off and even someone passed away, we still had great fun, got it done and took excellent care of our charges.

I love what I do, and when/if the day comes where I don't, I will do something else.
I will not torture my fellow coworkers with a bad attitude.
And absolutely not my patients!

Unexpected Thankfullness

2009-08-02T10:25:00.004-05:00

Strangely, I have come to really appreciate my difficult childhood. The trials, tribulations and abuse taught me coping mechanisms. Granted not all of them were healthy and thus I had to learn which to keep and which ones to discard. The coping mechanisms I kept have served me well in helping me get to where I am today. Despite my mistakes, I have learned a lot and really like where I am today.

At work I see so many people who had a nice, easy, spoiled, 'got whatever they wanted' childhood. They have no coping mechanisms and cannot deal very well when thrown into adult life. They turn to drugs, mostly, either illegal or prescription in order to function. Many also turn to food or destructive behaviors.

As horrible and difficult as it is, you have to face what you don't like about yourself, your choices and your life, deal with it - either with help or by yourself. The drugs don't solve the real problem, the food only makes you more unhealthy and more depressed, and still, there is a hole inside you.

Strangely, I have come to appreciate all the things I learned to do as a kid. Granted these things were in self preservation, but now as an adult, I love my life and have the attitude there is nothing I cannot accomplish if I really want it.

I do not see that attitude all people of my generation and definitely not in a generation after me.

Sometimes difficult is necessary. Pain is usually the best teacher whether that is physical or emotional.

My thoughts to parents?
Let your kids fail and have to try again, and maybe even again and again.
They learn how to do it and that they can.
There will not always be someone to solve their problems for them.

It is not PC, but I don't care...

2009-06-26T18:49:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading an aritcle in CNN about how airlines are about to start charging people who are too fat to fit into one seat. There was this disenting comment:

Still, some larger passengers who need more than one seat believe being charged extra is discriminatory and the airlines are not accommodating the growing American waistline.
"The airlines need to be making bigger seats," said Peggy Howell, a spokeswoman for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, a group based in San Francisco, California. "It's not safe to be cramming us into two seats."

Really...there is an association to promote accepting fatness??? Where is the society for acceptance for hypertension? Or to accept congestive heart failure??

If you are fat, deal with the fact you are fat, pay for the extra seat or whatever and decide to do something about it. Join weight watchers, count calories, something, but accepting your lack of health is not an option. Educate yourself on nutition, do something proactive before you develop diabetes and your extremities start to rot off.

The fact that America has just decided to accept being fat...well, I cannot abide by that. Obesity is so detrimental to one's health and well being. Not to mention it does not kill you out right, but slowly, at great expense and at great pain; to you and your family.

How can we have a National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance???

It is time to throw polically correct out the damn window and face up to realities. If you take more than one seat on an airpane you are are too large and it is no one else's problem but your own. Get your MD on board, get a plan and work your plan for weight managment. It won't be easy but the benefits are limitless.

to hell with PC!!

Humans need animals

2009-06-22T16:26:00.003-05:00

This is a hear-warming story of puppies in prison. There isn't enough space to go into all the things that I think are wrong with our prison system, but this is something that is very right.
Puppies in Prison

Please take a moment to read. It brings up something important....unconditional love. I think in order to be well balanced, whole people, we all need to know what it is to be loved unconditionally. I think few people really understand what that truly means.

The Path of Alzheimers

2009-06-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

As Alzheimer's progresses, you find yourself asking awful, bizarre questions:

At what point is it best to have professionals assit/perform the care of your family member?
When is the quality of life compromised to the point of not having quality?
Would your family member want to live like this?
How the hell will the average person afford any kind of dementia care?
Can someone please euthanize me in the event I get to the point of not knowing anything and not being able to care for myself....?

Our health care system is in no way, shape, form or fashion set up to deal with the coming onslaught of dementia care that is going to be needed. People will suffer, and families will suffer simply because no one knows what the hell to do.

Example: Right now my mother is at a lovely assisted living facility that I would recommend to anyone, Apple Tree Court in Richardson, Tx. The cost for the services there are about $2700-$3000 per month. Needless to say, my siblings and I pick up some of that tab. However, as she declines, as she is showing signs of doing, she may necessitate leaving there and being in a memory facility. These are a minimum of $5000-$8000 per month. A tab we cannot afford. Most people cannot afford this unless they have planned very well for their future.

I wonder, at what point would my mom not want to participate in life. Depression is a major problem because of the lack of mobility (can't drive) and because your life does not have fluid memories any more. We are no more than a collection of our memories....

I am thankful Mom can still do all the things she needs to do; bathing, grooming, feeding herself. What a blessing. But what is next? And worse....I feel 'next' is going to be less than good...

How are we to live out our days?
Where are we to do that?
So many questions and no answers, or at least, very poor answers.

Update!

2009-06-08T19:56:00.003-05:00

It has been too long since I have blogged!

I am back to the grind of day-to-day, but am loving it none the less. I have only the back splash to do in the kitchen and it will be complete...OK, a little touch up paint here and there, but done otherwise!

Next?

Probably the guest bath. It needs caulking and texture/paint. So much to do!

I picked up my bike today, I am very excited to start mountain biking. With 20lbs to lose, I need all the exercise I can get!
When the kitchen is officially finished, I will post more pics!

2009-05-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

This is not the best pic, but you can see petroglyphs on the rocks, especially if you look on the dark, farthest back rock. These were very old art left by the Indians that lived in the painted desert before it was so completely a desert. These rocks were very far away and it was hard to get good pics of them.

2009-05-05T23:17:00.000-05:00

Monument Valley to the Petrified Forest…

I really enjoyed the Petrified Forest which was coupled with the Painted Desert. It was easy to see where the Southwestern palette of colors comes from. Pinks, whites, sand and red stripes decorate these hills. The bands of color are so perfectly arranged, so consistent; one could think these hills were painted, thus the name.

The petrified forest was just down the road a bit. I loved the colors the wood takes on once petrified. It fascinated me how the wood still appeared to be wood, except for the colors and lack of branches. The bark appears normal until you touch it. I loved looking at all the different colors. The samples of polished petrified wood were so beautiful.
However, even what appears to be a regular size piece weighs a ton. The piece we looked at was coffee table top size, beautifully polished and weighed 800lbs. It’s easy to see why the big pieces don’t run away! Sadly, the forest has been plundered and continues to be prayed upon. Leave the wood at the park!! A lovely time!

2009-05-05T23:15:00.000-05:00

Monument Valley was on the list as well!
Grand Canyon to Monument Valley…
Our next park was Monument Valley. These huge monoliths of sand and rock are beautiful in their own, desolate way. Many photographers were there taking pictures. Here are the few I took…

2009-05-05T23:13:00.000-05:00

Just a couple more shots...The hike out was BRUTAL, for anyone who has not tried it. It was about three days before we could walk normally again.

2009-05-05T23:12:00.000-05:00

The Grand Canyon

Words cannot do justice to this natural wonder. Here are a couple of my favorite pics so far. John’s will no doubt be even better, feel free to view his website, they should be up in a week or so: www.johnwilkins.smugmug.com

We spent three nights and four days at the Grand Canyon. We camped on the rim for two nights and hiked to the river for the night of third camping. Backpacking in was fantastic with expansive views. However, the last 2 miles, were straight down and by the time we got to the bottom, our knees and calves were screaming.
Phantom ranch was lovely and the Ranger programs we attended were great. One was on the recovery and reintroduction of California Condors into the wild. The other was on bats and how essential these little critters are to our ecosystem. Of course, they were preaching to the choir on both accounts! An interesting point I wanted to tell everyone about; Condors were devastated by lead poisoning. Studies performed on how lead shot behaves once shot into an animal were very revealing. Any hunter who hunts and shoots an animal then brings this animal home to eat will be bringing home lead to poison his family if he has not change over to the copper shot that is being promoted now. The lead scatters and fragments once it enters the flesh. These microscopic fragments will accumulate in the body of whatever eats the contaminated flesh.Food for thought…

Annual Driving Trip

2009-04-23T13:44:00.001-05:00

Below are some pictures of the driving trip so far!

2009-04-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

This is a few of the early bloomers.
So pretty from something so prickly!

2009-04-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

I fell in love with the Saguaro Catus. I found them interesting in their own right as well as beautiful. All of the vegetation's ability to survive in such a harsh climate was really impressive. We were a little early for the cactus blooms that happen every year. We did catch a few early bloomers.

View from Saguaro National Park

2009-04-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

This is a vista from Saguaro National Park. We are on our annual driving holiday. This year the destination is the Grand Canyon. We have several other things to see along the way. So far the weather has been fabulous, and the radar detector usefull!

almost done

2009-04-21T23:41:00.001-05:00

I have my sink installed. I got the deeper one, as you really need the room if you cook lots.

Here is a view of painted and new hardware. I have one section of counter top to mount.

New dishwasher! The original was older than the house, I think!!

2009-04-21T23:38:00.002-05:00

This is a view of the oak counter tops. I thought oak butcher block would be more in keeping with the vintage nature of the 1962 house. I love my little house with its old quirks! It has kept me busy, happily so!
The back splash will be the same vintage copper tile. I think I have it located at Elliot's.

During part 2

2009-04-21T23:32:00.001-05:00

For those of you who have witnessed my painting...you will know this is NOT overkill!! Sadly, the paint sprayer was a big giant waste of time and I just painted it all by hand. I got better at the painting as it went on. By the end I hardly got paint anywhere it was not supposed to be.

During...

2009-04-21T23:29:00.001-05:00

These were during the whole deal. I was going to do the dishwasher myself, but once pulled out, realized it would require a blowtorch and electrical...so I had it installed.

The before pictures...

2009-04-21T23:27:00.001-05:00

Here are the before pics... The cabinets are in good shape, but that counter top has to go!!

A movie to watch

2009-04-08T10:37:00.003-05:00

I recently watched a very thought provoking movie, The Beautiful Truth. It is an independent film about the benefits of a fresh, veggie filled diet in treating disease. It centers around the teachings of Dr. Max Gerson, who practiced in the 1920's. It is very controversial, but brings to light very interesting points about our diet.

The other interesting points are in regard to the American Cancer society and the FDA. It is a worth while watch for anyone, especially those interested in health.

You are what you eat.

Kitchen Remodel...

2009-04-08T10:26:00.002-05:00

The kitchen was one of two areas of the house that needed overhauling. I started the kitchen this week. I have not gotten as far as I wanted, but pics are to follow once I locate the camera again. the kitchen is in plastic and I pain today. Everything is sanded, the oven is the only thing other than cabinets that remains and it is draped for painting. Some of you know how, well, awful I am at painting, wish me luck! Especially since I borrowed the BF's paint sprayer....
Look out! I hopefully will paint things needing painting and not just everything else.
Now where is that camera??

Sometimes it is no one's fault

2009-03-24T21:19:00.003-05:00

Sadly, sometimes bad things happen to good people.
However, it is not always someone's fault. In our litigious, "the world has to be perfect all the time" society, we forget that sometimes, shit happens.
It is unpleasant and it hurts and maybe we loose a loved one. Yet sometimes people just die. It is their time and their number was up.

That doesn't mean there is someone to blame. We see this lots in labor and delivery which is why lots of MDs are choosing to avoid this type of practice.

As sad as it is, sometimes awful things happen and it just is what it is.

A breather...

2009-03-24T21:15:00.002-05:00

After moving, moving my mom, being sick, unpacking myself and working lots of overtime, I have finally had two days to sleep in, rest and simply take a deep breath.
So busy!!
It is nice to home and enjoy one's surroundings. I still have opted for no cable TV at the house. It is just not something I am used to doing: I don't sit still very well.

I think it is important to just enjoy where you are. I am certainly doing that! I intend to take time to smell the roses too. Namely, the ones in my backyard and at John's house!

Work, work and more work...

2009-03-23T23:29:00.003-05:00

I have started working lots of over time. The money is great, and we are short at work. Plus, it is just that much more experience. I am so glad I am on days! It is much easier to go be with my mom and do things with her.
I am still having a great time at the nursing thing. I learn tons every day and have a great time doing it. The people dynamic is interesting as well.

One day I will get back to research, but with a stint toward nursing. I will have to see just how that pans out. Until then, I am having a great time.

Finally Moved!!

2009-03-23T23:18:00.002-05:00

Yes, drum roll please, I am finally moved into my house! I am so happy about it! The floors look fantastic, as I had them done before I moved in. NO carpet ANYWHERE! Original oak floors are so very nice.
It is a lovely quiet neighborhood. I am putting in my garden tomorrow. I have tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and lots of herbs. The trees and rose bush are busily making new leaves. I will lots of shade too!

I have some updates to do, and some of it I can do myself. I will be installing my oak butcher block counter tops and painting the cabinets as they are not appropriate to be sanded and refinished...Bummer, I would prefer to sand and stain another color.

The bathroom floor, however, I will hiring. I want tile, but with a pier and beam house, it is more involved. I am also pretty sure the sub-flooring will need to be replaced as it most likely has water damage. That is a little more than I want to do. I just don't have all the tools...
I love tools.
Both baths will need to be painted, but they are not humongous, so that should be fine. There is caulk work in the guest bath, but I have done that before.

I am going to have lots of fun! This also gives me something to do on my days off.

The lawn was done today, wow, was that an improvement!! Along with the garden tomorrow, I have hedge trimming. Nice to have stuff to do!

Housing update

2009-02-26T18:20:00.003-06:00

I have not yet closed.
Due to appraisal drama, I do not have a current, useful appraisal. It is getting rectified, but it has been really awful. This is no fault of mine, so my hands are tied, I just have to sit and deal and wait for people to get their 'stuff' together. Sucks.

Mom, however, is moved. She seems to be really good in her new digs. She is in a very social assisted living environment in Richardson. She is close to all of the kids, so we can check on her lots.

I hope, with magic and the stars aligned, I might close tomorrow. Then I could move this weekend. Living in such disarray is not good for my energy. I can't even cook! Everything is packed!

I can't do anything about it so I am just going to go to Yoga.

Adding things back in

2009-02-21T14:32:00.002-06:00

I am adding things back into my life. I close this Wednesday and will move the following weekend. The floors are being refinished, so I can't actually live there for a few days as every surface is oak wood floors except the baths and kitchen.

Martial arts is now a weekly part of my life, I am so happy! There are classes available three days a week, but I have to see how the work schedule goes.

I have also started at the gym near the new house. John and I both go and it is really great. No meat market, just lots of sweating. I signed up for a few personal trainer sessions as well. I always wanted to do the gym thing, and I am liking it as I thought I would. It is excellent motivation and the my trainer thinks of wonderful, new ways to torture me. I have one session a week and I will go to the gym additionally on my own or with John.

My next attempt will be a regular mountain biking day. It is really a lot of fun and a great work out! I have friends that go and the group biking makes for a fun-filled day.

Maybe, by the end of 6 months or a year, I will have my life all back to its "running at full tilt" regime again!

Day Two of a New School

2009-02-04T21:05:00.002-06:00

My second class at the new martial arts school was great. We spent the entire class doing exercises to solidify front stance and the use of one's hips for connection in punching and stance.

I really love the attention to the smaller details. The instructor (this time the head of the school) is very simple and straight forward in his description: Verbalize the exercise, illustrate, then do it for the next 15 minutes. Then, add one tiny new move and do that for the next 15 minutes. I am a little sore the next day, but I feel like I am adding new layers to my existing solid foundation. Changing to a new vein or martial arts (Karate vs Tae Kwon Do) just shows me how intertwined all the martial arts are and yet how they can all be so individual.

I am working hard to empty my cup, so that I may refill it.

Trying something new...

2009-02-04T20:55:00.002-06:00

I tried a kickboxing class.
It was entirely not my thing.
I did sweat and breathe a little, but it was just so "rah, rah, rah" and reeked of aerobics class.
And no one could punch.
Or kick.
Yes, yes, they aren't supposed to know that, really, but I just can't go back.
I love my yoga and I love my martial arts, but nooooo kickboxing.

The other really strange thing: I have trained in a gi for so long, putting on a t-shirt and work out pants to train feels like I am naked. I know I'm not, everyone else is wearing close fitting stuff, but it feels so weird.
If I am going to be up, kicking, punching and sweating, I need canvas.
Lots of canvas.

Day Shift

2009-02-04T20:49:00.003-06:00

I have officially moved back to day shift. Although I am NOT a morning person, this is so much better for me and the responsibilities of my life. The most delightful thing is the day I have off...I sleep till I wake up!
Days are much busier, but I love that! Someone did finally die, my patient even, but I had lots of help and gained lots of experience in the code. Although very tiring, it is great to look up and see that it is 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon. The day just screams by. Busy is good!

Moving...Again

2009-02-04T20:46:00.003-06:00

I have started to pack...again. I am really looking forward to settling into my little house. I never seemed to "bond" with my apartment, but I think the house will be better.

I am not looking forward to the beating that is moving, especially since I know it won't be the last time, but I am looking forward to more space and less cost. The neighborhood is very quite and the huge trees will be nice in the summer.

Moving weekend is the last weekend in February, as I have given notice at my apartments. I dread moving my fish tank yet again, but hopefully the fish will do OK.

I hope to take pictures when I get there!

Update on the house

2009-01-20T03:15:00.003-06:00

We have a signed contract and the inspection is Wednesday. I think this will go very well and I will most likely be moving the last weekend in February. It is not the location I originally wanted but the house is so cute and the trees so old, I think I will really like it. Still close to the train so all is well there. Wish me luck on the inspection! With a pier and beam house, I know the foundation won't be an issue!

Obsessive Lists

2009-01-20T03:04:00.003-06:00

I have several changes coming up in the next few months and foresee a great sense of overwhelmed-ness in my future.
Out comes the pad and pencil.
Despite my love of technology and my iPhone, I still can't seem to let lose of the small spiral and pen.
I love the act of writing and of scratching "done" things off the list. I do still use electronic lists (gmail lists and my 'ToDo' on the iPhone) but that paper list I cannot escape.

I don't just have a single list, I organize my lists according to project. Granted, this makes me even more nerdy, but it is the coping mechanism that works for me. Maybe this is similar to my reading multiple books at the same time...

Make your list, scratch off, and conquer!

This past Tuesday

2009-01-16T15:42:00.002-06:00

I went to a new martial arts school this past Tuesday. It was just what I have been looking for. Lots of sweat, solid foundation and a no frills, *come if you can and if you don't, oh well* attitude. There is a great deal of experience in different disciplines in the three instructors I met. I will see how it goes with my work schedule. I will have to work to keep Tuesday night open and then pick whether to go Thur or Sat. It will be a bit of a juggle at first. Once I go back to days, morning sword can resume as well. This excites me greatly!

Care for our aging parents

2009-01-14T23:53:00.003-06:00

There will soon be a grave problem in this country: Care for our aging parents.

I and my siblings are in that "rock and a hard place" right now with our mom. As her Alzheimer's progresses, we are faced with the decision to opt for an assisted living environment. The average monthly cost for this is between $2500 and $3000 per month. Granted, it includes all meals, medication administration and a safe, community environment, but---wow, it ain't cheap.

There is also the issue of the individual you are desperately trying to make the safest, best decisions for is really resentful for being told she can't live independently.
No good dead goes unpunished....

My siblings and I will have to split up the cost that is the difference between what Mom's pension pays and what the costs are.
But it is only going to get worse. Alzheimer's care is about twice that....

If Mom were mentally with it, she could stay with one of us, but, sadly, that is not the case. Working full time means the equivalent of leaving your 7 year old at home alone.
Not an option. Such a convoluted issue...

What of the people out there who do not have kids who care about them or the financial wherewithal to have care?
What are we to do with our elderly population? Our nation does not have the services set up to deal with this. This is just the beginning of the onslaught that is to come. I fear the worst as the gap between medicaid/medicare and financial capability of an individual widens. The cost of medications alone can really harm an elder's "fixed income."

So many issues we have to face in the coming future.

House bidding continued

2009-01-14T23:25:00.002-06:00

I submitted yet another offer today. I think this one will go well. It is a pier and beam house and hopefully we can circumvent the foundation issue.
It is also not a foreclosure, it is an estate and it needs to be sold. It has the original oak wood floors throughout and will need tile laid in the baths and kitchen. After a new vanity in each bath and new counter tops, it will be ideal. The house is adorable with the old-loved feel I have so been looking for. It is in excellent shape which is drastically better than many of the foreclosures I have looked at. Hopefully all will go well and this can be the first of 2 that I purchase this year.

Keep your fingers crossed!!

The Face Book Experiment

2009-01-09T19:04:00.003-06:00

I did it. I joined Face Book. So many people I know are on it and since joining (72hrs ago) I have found several people from high school and others I did not know had FB account.

I am having fun with it! We will see how it goes. I have stuck with the blog b/c I really love blogging too.

Ski trip coming to close

2009-01-09T19:00:00.002-06:00

It is Friday and our annual ski trip is coming to a close. I have both snowboarded and skied this trip. Sadly, I don't think I will have the time on a once a year week long ski trip to become proficient enough at snowboarding to be able to hang with my friends. So for the last two days, I went back to skiing. I really enjoyed skiing with everyone! That is what this trip is about, hanging with the friends and my man.

A great week of relaxing!

Keystone Park

2009-01-06T23:12:00.002-06:00

I am actually SNOWBOARDING!! Yes, that means I am making it down the mountain, connecting my turns and not on my ass the entire trip!! I am still kinda bruised - especially the knees- but overall, much better and loving every minute of it! The learning curve is so very steep, but I am on my way to being a real snowboarder.

To Write or not?

2008-12-29T23:27:00.002-06:00

I have been toying with the idea of writing; letters, short stories, maybe a novel (one day). I have always thought writing would be somewhat "taboo" for me as my writing has always been so poor. That whole failing English twice before I passed it did nothing for my confidence either. This is why I originally began blogging. To learn to better express myself with written word. Well, also to improve my grammar. I have given up on spelling. When you grow up with words like, "growed" and "yellur" (insert yellow), it is easy to understand how writing and speaking properly would be a challenge.

At any rate, I am reading, learning and beginning to amass ideas and story-lines for a would be book. Maybe a short story first....but I am really thinking about it.
I am going to try. I mean really try it out! My chosen genre is a little interesting, but I think it will be an adventure!