Confession...

Secretly, I want to be a writer.  I guess it's no secret now.  I started this blog several years ago in an effort to improve my poor writing skills.  Obviously, there is always room for continued improvement!

That said, I still have the desire to write.  For sanity's sake a kept a journal as a child, and a I think writing has always given me peace.  These days I find myself reading stories not only for entertainment or education but also with an analytical eye in order to recognize writing styles, point of view, how the author engages the reader's mind into creating a mental picture...all of these things I now seem to want to be aware of as if filling this information for future reference.

I have been writing, scenes, scenarios, reading other's writing...I guess I just keep working on it!

What if?

I am captivated by a TV series called Jeremiah, and for those of you who know me, you will comprehend what a feat it is for ANY TV show to capture my attention. This series focuses on a world after the "Big D" or a big death from a virus that killed everyone over the age of puberty. It is really interesting in its depiction of what people and society (if that is what one could call it) would become. As the story progresses, it is clear another faction of people are coming together to 'make' a world they way they want it. Conflict arises. It begs the question, what would become of "civilized society" if some catastrophe were to occur?

 The current rage "The Hunger Games" addresses a similar idea with a slightly different setting. The outcome is not so pretty. We, as a society, seem quite interested in the "what If?" scenario post horrific event. One would like to believe altruism and kindness would prevail, but I am not so sure. For reference, I think of feudal Japan, the era of the Samurai; defend what's yours lest someone take it from you... by force. This type of existence lends a whole new level of threat to women, which could be another post, entirely.

 What new 'rules' would evolve? How would our species (yes, Homo sapiens) handle no medicine, no running water, having to hunt, kill, preserve and farm for survival? We, as a society, are so far removed from this knowledge and ability, the vast majority of us would starve to death, die of infection or simply fall to depression of being utterly overwhelmed. The thought of such a different world pushes me to continuing a path of self reliance. As personal responsibility becomes more and more out of fashion, the magnitude of societal collapse in the face of even a small interruption of our modern society, grows to a devastating level. How would nature strike balance into such a heavy-sided scale?

Canceled

I am home today, unexpectedly. I was canceled at work as it was my turn and our census is such that were are overstaffed for our quantity of patients. What am I doing with my unexpected time off, you ask? I finished my book and am now cleaning...obsessively. I have my usual list of "ToDos" and am crossing them off. All the while the stereo blaring in the background with Pandora Radio. I guess I don't really have questions today. Enjoy your day, everyone.

School

I am almost done with the RN-BSN program. I will be very glad when it is done. My last class starts 7/2, then 5 weeks, then it is OVER! The real challenge then becomes what to do after that? What masters do I want to obtain? Questions, questions!!

Home Alone

John's plane left at 15:00 today. Bummer. We had a great weekend! We are half way through our time apart...5 months down, 5 to go!

Must Watch

It seems my most recent obsession is diet, and the contaminants our loving and protective FDA has allowed in it. With such a cynical introduction, here are documentaries on instant view on Netflicks: Fat Sick and Nearly Dead Forks Over Knives The Beautiful Truth Dying for the Truth Food Inc. and a You Tube TedEx talk by Robyn O'Brien If you want to be healthy, you are really going to have to start being very, very concerned with where your food comes from, and if you are an omnivore, be VERY concerned with what your food ate before you eat it. Oh, and how did it live before it died.

Future Requirements

I had lunch with a fellow RN girlfriend this past week. We talked specifically of what kind of services are needed in the coming future regarding health care. Elder care, or a lack there of, is the major concern we both agreed existed. We, as a nation, are so utterly unprepared for the onslaught of our aging Baby Boomers and the needs this population will require. Really, think about this, people usually DIED before the mind completely left the building. Modern medicine can intervene in such incredible ways, we now have a healthier population who will reach a much older age...but have no idea of the accomplishment they achieve. I am well aware of what I speak of as when pressed for a cardiology appointment for my own demented mother, I refused. As a nurse, I knew her "it gets dark," statements were most likely syncope - fainting spells - most likely triggered by an irregular heart beat. The fix for this? Pacemaker. I talked it over with my siblings, and we all agreed, prolonging her torture of feeling abandoned, alone, unloved - regardless of the fact that one of us was there almost daily- we agreed prolonging such desolation was wrong. No pacemaker. She became unresponsive about 20 days later and died peacefully, as we kids agreed, was best. Just because we can, does not mean we should. There are fates worse than death. I can think of nothing worse than thinking one's self alone, unloved, confused and not understanding anything about one's surroundings.

Cultural Shift Required

The more I work in health care, the more I realize attitudes toward health care, and its availability, are about culture more so than fact. By this I mean the culture surrounding health care and its relation to death and dying. Here, in the US, we die badly, often without humility, and at great, unnecessary cost. Here, when someone dies, you hear, "They just couldn't do anything else for him/her," or "The surgery was unsuccessful." The culture is death is a failure of medicine. One seldom hears, "She was quite old, 93, and well, it was her time, we were all there and made her comfortable," or "He just did not manage his health well, he smoked, he had bypass already and several stents, he would never take care of his diabetes, his choices led him to an early grave." Death is associated with medicine failing, it is not seen as a normal, inevitable part of life. Thus, we cannot seem to face it with dignity or with grace. In the ICU, often I have to bring up the subject of dying and end-of-life plans with people. Often times I am faced with someone who has not even considered that their aged (think 90+) loved one might...die. The burning question the cynic in me wants to blurt out is, "Exactly how long did you expect them to live??" When did we get so removed from death and dying? That is what the parlor was for back in the day...this is where you laid out the dead to receive those who chose to come and pay respects. The dead were in your home. At what point did we remove ourselves from the only other inevitability other than taxes? And why can we not allow our loved ones to come to their end with dignity? Without "doing everything!!" even when it is, without question, futile? We do not allow our animals to languish in such a state.... Yet for family....Who is the "do everything" ideology really for anyway?