Our partners in crime

As a single person, I have lately become very thoughtful about how one picks a mate for the duration of one’s life.

If you look at life, generally most people have three stages of life: young adulthood- making your way, discovering who you are; Middle adulthood- finding a mate, raising children, and finally, Late adulthood- retiring and enjoying a life of looking back and looking forward to enjoying that which you have planned for.

So, how do you pick a mate? I think this is one of the most difficult things to do. I think, it is very difficult to pick one person whom you can grown thru all three (if not more) stages of life with.

I thoroughly believe it is possible to do: pick someone who can grow with you and you with them. Yet, it requires the person and you obviously, to be brutally honest with one’s goals and aspirations. It requires a level of self-awareness that a great many people are not capable of until much later. Hence the divorce rate we see.

Finding one’s identity is very difficult and very time consuming; especially if you have not had a very good example as a child.

By the time you figure it out, say around 28-35 years of age, you have already gotten married. Maybe you wake up and think, “Wow, what the hell have I married?” Or maybe you get to late adulthood and think, “I don’t want to spend 24/7 with this person.”

It is really very difficult. Yet, the most important things do seem to be very difficult to get correct. Trial and error…

I guess that is why they say, “Why is divorce so expensive?” “Because it is SO worth it!!”

Being able to retain who you are and what you are is priceless. Finding someone who is interested in nurturing that in you and you are interested in nurturing that in them is the key. This takes a great level of self confidence and that in and of itself is hard to come by. Growth and change is scary. Harder still, taking that good, long, hard look in the mirror and asking, “What can I do better with me?”

Growth, personal growth through the lifetime, is where the real challenge lies. Picking someone who really wants to grow at the same level and life-time rate is where the challenge lies.

It requires that everyone involved by honest. Brutally honest at a level that most find distasteful or uncomfortable. But this level is necessary for long term happiness.

So: Take a long, hard look in the mirror and speak the truth, regardless of its unattractiveness!!