Baking Shoes

I just thought I would pass along info to everyone out there: Baking shoes does not seem to increase their wear-ability.

I got a call from my mom today:

"Lisa, is this Lisa?"
I thought who else would answer my phone....?
"Hey Mom, how ya doin'?"
"Were are you? Are you at work today?"
"Yes, mom, I'm at work, it's Wednesday afternoon."

"Oh, OK, well, I'm fine, I need new shoes! I know I have been talking about new shoes, but I need some now. You know how you can't tell if the grass has water or not? Well it had lots of water and I stepped off into it and my shoes got real wet. So I tried to dry them. I put them in the thing...you know that thing to get hot and dry."
"So you put them in the clothes dryer?" I offered.
"No, well, I shoulda I guess, but no, that thing that's in the kitchen."
(Oh shit...)
"Mom, do you mean the oven? You cook food in the oven."
"Yes, that's it. I put them in the oven. Well, they didn't do so good in there."
( No kidding...)
"They hurt now when I try to wear them, so I need new ones."
"OK, mom, that was not the best thing to do. Shoes don't go in the oven."
"(Laughing) Well, I knew that, I don't know what I was thinking..."
"OK, well, it will have to wait till this weekend, because I work all week and Saturday."
"You work the rest of the week? I didn't know that."

Word to the wise, shoes and oven don't mix. It seems to lower the functionality of the shoes.
All I can do is laugh, because the crying would be too exhausting...

Housing Update

I currently have a signed contract on a condo. I am hopefully that all will go well. I already had the loan pre-approved, so maybe I have a chance at all going well.
It would be nice to have my stuff out of storage and be able to cook lots again!

The prospective closing date is Oct 1st. This is after my first big test of the semester and hopefully will be a little calmer.

Wish me luck! It is in a development I have always liked and that has remained very constant in condition. I would have some things to update, but I can do most of it over time. The downstairs carpet, though, has to go if it becomes mine.

It will serve its purpose just perfectly!!
I will keep you posted!

First Kiddo Procedure

Today was my first day handling kiddos. I really, really liked it so far. The very first thing I got to do was remove an IV from an adorable 10 month old boy. It is so great he was feeling better and more active! But, wow, getting the 10 month old to sit still long enough for me to undo the tape, peel off the tegaderm, and then occlude the vein after removing the IV...whew!

He was a great little patient playing games with me and examining my stethoscope and name badges. So cute!

On a less fun note, I had to help restrain a child for upper respiratory suctioning today. He did not like us!! I don't blame him one bit. Also, 10 months old, he was very vocal about his dissatisfaction with our procedure! Afterward, though, Mommy and Daddy were able to make it all better. And he could breath....
Breathing is important!!

I am interested to see how the semester plays out. Peds is still on the list.

Managing the New Schedule

Today we discussed our clinical assignments and all the expectations that went along with these. the cluster that is our new schedule was also discussed.
So the new schedule is thus:
Monday, class 8:30 to 14:30, thereafter study like crazy and go to Children's at 15:30 and get patient data. Stay up till all hours getting that ready.

Tuesday: Catch the rail at 0515, arrive at Children's at 06:15, update data, get report and start the day. Leave at 13:30.
Go home do more paperwork and hopefully get in bed by midnight. Hopefully...

Wednesday: Same as Tuesday only we have to have all the paperwork done and turned in my noon. Yeah...

Wednesday afternoon: work at UTSW. The good news is I just walk across the road and I am at work. I guess that is good news.

Thursday and Friday work at UTSW.

I am still PRN weekends at Baylor too.
I am feeling a little too busy....

I may or may not bag the Baylor thing. We will have to see how I fair.
maybe I can loose some weight....
That would be a good note since my mom informed me I had gotten "big"!
Don't you just love moms....?

The REALLY good news is I only have eight more months....
Yippee!!

Two to Go!!

I am back in school on semester three! One more after this!!

This semester is OB/GYN and Pediatrics. I am looking forward to Peds, but not so much to the OB/GYN part.

It isn’t that I don’t like babies; I really love babies, especially when I can give them back to their parents!
I just have no experience with pregnancy or labor or having a baby, nor will I. I know I do not want to take care of pregnant or laboring moms, so I am not looking forward to this part of the semester. I have already discovered the fact of new moms think there is something wrong with you if you do not want to have children.

I have already gotten, “Do you have any children?” When I respond “no,” they ask when I will have them. When I respond that I don’t want kids they look at me as if I have grown a third eyeball or suddenly grown fangs.

I understand these moms are all excited to be in this amazing experience of childbirth so they most likely are so excited to having this baby and could not understand why anyone would not want to go thru this same event.

In short, I feel like I cannot identify. Nor do I want to.

However, I am really looking forward to Peds. Peds is still on the list for things I may do after I graduate. I know the parents are the worst problem in the equation, so I will have to see how I deal with that.

Obviously, what I do upon graduation is still completely up in the air!!

Post 36 day

The birthday went well. The people who really wanted to be there were able to be there, yeah! It was nice, simple and fun.

Everyone, I really appreciate you being there!

Another Year Gone!

My birthday will be Wednesday.

I have found I do not have any of the trepidation that others seem to have about growing a year older. I have one friend that had a very difficult time with turning 30. I'll be 36 and am loving it!

People seem to take you more seriously (as a woman, this took time) now that I am a bit older. Yes, it could be my demeanor but, I think simple chronological age has some to do with it.

I like getting a little older. I am sure there will come a day when I want to press the STOP button, but that time is not yet here.
I really, really like my life.

Number Three Soon to Start!

Semester three of four is about to start! I am actually really anxious to get back to it. I want it to be over with so I can figure out what the heck I want to do with my RN.

This semester is Pediatrics and Obstetrics/Gynocology. Basically kids and new moms and babies. After having worked now testing newborn hearing for Baylor downtown, I found that I did not have as much issue with this as I thought. It really isn't that bad. Almost everyone is happy, for they have just had a new baby. Additionally, most everyone is healthy and going home in a couple days. It could be much worse.

Although I do not want kids, the babies are so cute! They are easy to take care of and don't fuss too much. You do have to be on your toes though. Babies can go south very, very fast.

I am excited to see what the semester brings!

Motorcycle Fever is Catching!

I helped John pick up his new bike today! I think he got tired of everyone we ran into telling him something along the lines of, "Oh, your girl rides but you don't? Dude, you gotta get a bike!"

Actually, I'm pretty sure he just wants one himself! He used to ride some in college, and thus, bought the same bike for his first bike, a wise decision--buy something you know and are comfortable on!

His new toy is a '96 Yamaha Virago. He is very pleased with it and pretty much tickled pink. He is signing up for the motorcycle class so he can be all official. It will be nice to have someone to ride with! And yes, he is an "all gear" person like I am!! Safety first!

Motorcycles Everywhere!!

While we were in CA there was a motorcycle race, the Mazda Raceway Laguna Sec. Consequently, there were motorcycles EVERYWHERE. All kinds! It was so much fun! We talked to lots of motorcyclists and I was insanely jealous that Moose was back in Dallas! Beautiful! The roads beg for a bike as well as a Porsche. Great riding!

California 2007

The vacation this year had to be financially minimal considering the student status.

One thing I have wanted to do for a long time is drive Highway 1 north, up the coast of California. John and I decided it sounded like a great idea. I made the plane reservations and the first night’s camping reservation (yes, camping!) and away we went.

Our first night in Sugar Loaf Ridge State Park was lovely. We ate dinner with deer just across the stream and had a lovely view all around the park. This park overlooks the Napa valley. Beautiful!

The next day was a drive north on the coast. One could stop every 15 minutes with the jaw-dropping vistas that you could see. The camera shutter was seldom still. With absolutely no plan, we continued on wherever our fancy drove us. We had decided there were a few things we had to see:

1. The Redwood Forests
2. Old Growth Sequias
3. Highway 1
4. Undecided

Hwy 1 was the first order of business. Our next stop was one element of the coast I was adamant about, Point Reyes Seashore State Park. We arrived at one of the Ranger stations and inquired about camping availability. There were a few campsites left. The closest one was a 5.5 mile hike in. We were up for it! WooHoo!

Thus came the first quotable quote for our trip:

Lisa to Park Ranger: “How’s the hike in? Is it straight up or is it fairly OK?”

Park Ranger: “Oh, (after surveying John and I) it’s fairly flat. You both should be just fine. Do you have gear?”

John: “Yes, we brought gear, we should be all good to go.”

“Relatively Flat” must have been with respect to the Sierra Mountains….

Although not a horrible hike, there were several moments we had to stop to catch our breath after lots of straight up and laugh uncontrollably at the quote, “Relatively Flat my a**!”

Such great fun!

The other quotable quote from this park Ranger was thus:

Lisa and John: “Is there water at the camp or do we need to pack it in?”

Ranger: “Yes there is water. It is usually drinkable.”

Both of us: “Wait, usually? What does that mean and is it drinkable now? Water is kinda a big deal.”

Ranger: Well it has been OK for a while now, but they have been know to test and close the water to drinking as is without boiling.”

Lisa: “But it’s drinkable now?”

Ranger: “Yes, it has been good for a while now. You should be just fine.”

Fortunately, “Usually Drinkable” turned out to be just fine.

Thus, the first thing added to the list of “Never travel again without” was a water purifier.

Second thing to add to the list, backpack with a hip strap. John had my large pack and I had a day pack, but it had no hip strap. Never again.

The 5.5miles took right at 2.5hrs and we arrived just before sundown with time to set up camp. Hiking with 6’6” as a hiking partner means hoofing it for my short little legs! But I think I kept up fine. Once settled we had time to meet those we were sharing the campsite with. Great, fun people! We had great conversation and lots of laughs. Everyone is sweaty and disheveled, but all of us enjoyed the company. We all hiked out together the next morning and had a lovely hike back. With no pressure of darkness, we were leisurely, and, it was more down than up.

Meeting these people clenched our decision of our final destination after the Redwoods: Yosemite.

The drive north was nothing short of exhilarating. The rocky shore, with waves crashing and the fresh scent of ocean wipes away anything that may be bothering you and frees the spirit. I have always loved the ocean, mostly from being submerged in it making bubbles, but to watch its raw power and to see how it has carved the shore’s edge is remarkable.

The driving was just as fantastic. The road begs for a great sports car! John and I managed to not fight over who got to drive as we shared the driving. We both love to drive, so it was great fun. There were curves and switchbacks enough for both of us. Sad we did not have a proper car, e.g., something out of the Porsche line, but the Volvo was nimble, manual/automatic transmission and plenty comfortable. It was all good. At one point, I noticed John braced against the console, the door and the roof of the car. I asked if I should slow down. He simply said, “You’re having fun, go for it!” He got his turn too, have no doubt!

Arriving in the Redwood forests is like traveling back in time. There is a sense of awe and wonder that words cannot do justice by. These trees are some of the oldest living things known on earth. As linear, short-lived humans, wrapping your mind around 1500 to 2000 years of life is very hard to do. As you stare up at their 300ft+ height, you can’t help but wish these trees could talk. I would love to sit and talk to them about what they have seen, what they have survived, and what it is like to stand for 1500 years, just existing. There is majesty that is unparalleled by anything humans have ever tried to accomplish. Of course, I had to know more about the trees, so when we got home, we looked up lots of things. Another post, I promise. Rest assured, the experience of standing with these giants is beyond description. One of the highlights was the Avenue of Giants. This 32-mile stretch of old Hwy 101 curves thru virgin, old growth forests of Redwoods. I wish I could adequately describe the immensity of driving through the forests and the calm that seemed to pervade the air that breezed through the trees and the forest undergrowth. For me, this was a spiritual cathedral like no other.

32 miles took 5 hours. It was that good.

Once we had our fill of Redwoods, OK when we just decided to leave, we went south on HWY 5 and over to Yosemite National Park. This place is huge! I had not really planned for this part of the trip as we had not really thought we would get that far east. But here we were, entering the park. We got there a bit late, but ended up with a great campsite in White Wolf on the northern part of Yosemite. This park is home to Mountain Lion, Brown Bear, Wolves, Coyotes and everything else in between. 90% of Yosemite is wild and undeveloped. It is gorgeous! Gathering firewood is allowed so once shelter was erected; we went off to gather firewood. I must admit, my senses were on high alert. It was utterly silent and with each drop of firewood, it was as if you fired a rifle. I kept thinking we looked like prime mountain lion food. I was sorta happy to have gathered firewood and be back in the car. Puts things in perspective, I would say. Once back at camp, John, a.k.a., Pyro-man, got a roaring fire started and I got dinner cooking. Simple fair, but yummy. Of course, we burned anything we could find as we had the whole trip. Pyro is in both of our names!

We slept really well as the temperature at 8000 feet got pretty chilly. Top quality gear is a must and our sleeping bags and the sleeping mats were great! Breakfast was cooked the next morning and the day of hiking began. We went to the base of Yosemite Falls. The falls were not so much falls as there is a drought in CA. Dallas seems to be getting all of CA’s rain. So the falls were a trickle. Our next adventure was Vernal Falls via Mist Trail. This hike is 3 miles round trip and labeled as “moderate.” So it took about 2 hours to go up, and I mean up every step of the way, and about 40 minutes to go down. It was straight up! The falls were spectacular and the water very cold! We played in the water and drenched our shirts so as not to over heat. Once at the top of the falls, we stayed and watched people play in Emerald Lake, a beautiful, emerald green pool that is just ahead of the falls. There is enough room to stay clear of the rushing falls and everyone seemed to be having lots of fun.

Here, we encountered possibly the fattest squirrels I have ever seen. They were grossly obese! Obviously people fed them even though you are educated not to. And so very bold! We have pics of one of the larger, most fat squirrels on my pack, pulling and biting at the mesh to get to the trash! I was sitting right there next to him! He just looked at me with a “you don’t mind do you?” look on his little face and went after it! Really funny fat squirrels!!

We hiked down after a bite, some water and some much needed relaxation. By the end of the trek down, my legs were shaking but I was happy to have seen something so beautiful.

The last day, we agreed that we should make it a full tour of “B.A.T.” (Big Ass Trees) and go see one of the three stands of giant Sequoias. There are three groves of them in Yosemite and we chose to go to Mariposa Grove, on the southern side of Yosemite. This was also home to the largest of the giant Sequoias in Yosemite, the Grizzly tree. Sequoias and Redwoods are of the same family. They differ in some very unique ways that I’ll post about later. However the Sequoias’ majesty is just as impressive if not more so than the Redwoods. Although not as tall as the Redwoods, they have larger trunks and denser wood. Again, spectacular! And so endangered. It seems they could endure the last 2000 to 3000 years but humans seem to be exceptionally destructive to them. Amazing how we seem to have that affect on things. We spent a couple hours touring the Sequoias and were still sad to part from their company.

Our drive out of Yosemite proved to be another adventure in and of itself! John had packed the GPS, which proved to be invaluable, the whole trip. Don’t get me wrong, I had maps and I know how to use them, but this little jewel is just great! We were on the south side of Yosemite and requested the shortest route to San Jose. We proceeded on and the GPS began telling me (I was driving at the time) of an up-coming left turn. John and GPS in unison began saying “turn left! Here!” I missed the turn and looked back once I had pulled into a parking lot. Turn where? “On that road back there,” replied John. “What road? That’s not a road!”

Oh, but it was.

It was a mountain road, with a warning sign reading, “Not recommended for two-wheel drive vehicles.”

What the hell?

Off we went.

Thus, quote number three: “That’s not a road!!”

This was a sand and dirt road with trees on once side and mountain drop off on the other in the middle of nowhere. At one point the GPS totally lost signal at which point John said WTF, just drive on! Adventure is so good! It was a great deal of fun!

The best part?

We realized we were traversing the Sierra Mountains after we saw a couple of Sierra park signs. At one point we topped a turn and the trees opened up and the most jaw-dropping spectacular vista ever was open to view. Layers of purple, blue, red, pink and gold dressed the valley as far as the eye could see. The mountain sides and trees could all be seen drenched in color from the ever-lowering sun. Picture after picture we took and then just stood there in awe. It was incredible. I couldn’t speak from trying to take in the beauty of it all. We did finally decide to push on as we still had no clue as to where we really were and it was getting late. We figured the worst that could happen was we would have to camp again. We had all the gear, no big deal! As we started to get back into the car, John asks, “Do you mind if I drive?”

Well, of course not. But I had to quip, “Is my driving making you nervous?” “Yes, a little,” came his answer. I just laughed and threw the keys over. To his defense, I had run over a couple things because I was looking at scenery. It was just so beautiful!

We did finally get back to civilization and realized we found a free, unmonitored way in and out of Yosemite. Who knew?

The rest of the drive was pretty plain Jane except I became totally fascinated by the wind farms along the side of I-140. Wind Farms…farming wind. That is just funny! I took pics of these and again, had to look up how they work when we got back.

Maybe I am easily amused….

Always ask the question, I suppose.

I will try to get pics posted later, as we have over 1000 to go thru. Yes, I really mean over 1000 photos.

The beauty of digital!!

In summary:

Things to not go again without:

Water purifier

More socks

Pack with hip strap & chest strap

Camel back!

We both agreed that when/if we get back again to Yosemite, backpacking is the way to go. We want to hike the half dome in the event we return. It is a strenuous 17 mile round trip hike that is very straight up.

I feel the same way about Yellowstone. When I return I will backpack. I think it would be the best way to see the park, on its terms.

Miniature Pinscher-Defined

The AKC states this dogs has the following description:

General Appearance The Miniature Pinscher is structurally a well balanced, sturdy, compact, short-coupled, smooth-coated dog. He naturally is well groomed, proud, vigorous and alert. Characteristic traits are his hackney-like action, fearless animation, complete self-possession, and his spirited presence.

Having lived with one for a bit now, his is my new definition of Min-Pin's characteristics:

• Small dog of black and tan coloring that believes he is 100lbs and bullet proof
• "vigorous" should translate into "snorts one-to-two lines of cocaine every morning"
• No matter how hard you try, you cannot locate the stash of cocaine
• Believes 0520 is the best time to sing at the top of his lungs
• Advice for above, sleep with the bedroom door shut
• Loves chew toys that are twice his size
• A show of affection is grooming you for fleas: doing that front teeth only bite-bite-bite thing on you and/or your $300 Pottery Barn duvet!
• Advice for above: Do Not allow on bed
• Walk on leash at your own risk, cat-like reflexes are necessary so as not to become ensnarded in leash by dog
• Advice for above, walk anyway, it wears off the cocaine
• Best advice, when you can't hear the dog, GO LOOK, because he is digging out of the yard!
• He loves mud
• Did I mention he loves mud, espcially the slimy kind??

It is all about Respect

I have been thinking about this for a long time.
Those of you who know me might be surprised at this post for I do not discuss my private life.
This will be the first and last time I do.

I have thought a great deal about my divorce, now settled for slightly more than two years. One complaint my Ex had was his perception I did not respect him.

I have thought a lot about this. Was that true? Or was it yet again a judgment of me with a measure stick that did not apply?

I have come to this conclusion. In order for someone to be in a relationship that is mutually beneficial, mutually loving and mutually supportive, both people have to have respect for one another as individuals.

That respect begins within one's self. If you do not have self respect, your counter part will not respect you --he/she may not even be aware that they don't respect you.

My Ex did not make it a priority to take care of himself mentally, physically or psychologically. I think he was right in the idea that I did not respect him.
For if you do not take care of you, you do not take care of "us."

The things that garnered respect in his eyes were not the things I most respected personally and vice versa.

He also, I think, had a lack of respect for me in some areas too. This was somewhat my fault as well. I did not fight like he did.

For someone to respect you, you have to speak to them in a language they "hear." I use words to express myself that are generally devoid of emotion especially in a heated situation. He was just the opposite.

So when decisions were made and my foot was put down about something, if he did it anyway that was a flagrant F****!! You to my face. But because I did not go nuclear about it, I got ran over and disrespected even though I don't think he really meant it that way.
I just did not believe nor do I now, that his behavior was my responsibility.

But we did not speak the same language. He could only hear drama and emotive arguments that could be loud and accusatory. I was really capable of only words and and a lack of emotion, as I get quieter the more angry I become. Because of the violent temper I do possess, I do not continue to allow things to escalate, I would rather quite and come back later calmer. He liked the fireworks.

Do not mistake the fact I am truly happily divorced and know I made the right decision albeit a horrifically difficult one.

My Ex did admit one time that if I had acted the way he did in many of our fights, we would not have stayed married as long as we did. He was right on that.
But how unfair. You get to be ballistic and I can't?
Even if I had wanted to, this is not the type of interaction I wanted to live with.

Not only is respect of paramount importance but so is fairness. However your mate acts, you should get to as well. Otherwise, why bother?

People treat you how you allow them to.
Period.

Our family/spouse (s) can take advantage of that. They can take advantage of the fact we are close to them.
This is a mistake I do not intend to repeat.
It is my responsibility to speak up and be heard. I just have a much better education on how to pick someone who speaks the same language.

So far, I think I have picked really well.

When is it time to give up?

My mom has always said she would never give up on any of her kids. I commend her on such strength.

Everyone one of my siblings has surmounted the raising we endured and put a life together with the exception of my sister.

That is what I had thought until I got a phone call from her this evening.
I guess you should never give up on people.
Basically she called for some moral support on choosing to drastically change her life.
I cannot be more ecstatic!!

Everyone deserves to be happy and to have a life they choose and that they love. She is not different. Regardless of the decisions one makes and the mistakes we are part of (I have some whoppers of my own), everyone deserves to have a good life and be happy, safe and loved.

I have faith that she will do well. She has a plan. She has a time frame.
I told her I loved her and that I had faith in her.
I am so happy for her.

So, is there a time when you should ever give up on someone?
I don't really know. I do know that I can still have hope without letting someone cause me pain. It is hard to distance yourself, especially when it is family or someone you know is so deserving of something better, but you have to be able to let it go. I am so happy she finally has chosen for herself to have something better!!

When people want to change, you can help. When they don't or don't see any reason to, nothing you do can be useful.
I think when it is at that point, you walk away. I had walked away from her and her lifestyle for many years. I am here if she wants to make different decisions.
Sister, you go girl!!

Dogs will be Dogs

I am house-sitting for the summer for a nursing school buddy of mine. The arrangement is working out great!

I do have to write about a little occurrence this week.
It involved mud via the rain and an increase in my blood pressure.

The rain has been incessant for a while now and thus, the one spot the dogs have previously dug around in is muddy. All along I thought the majority of the digging (they have escaped twice, once they were retrieved, this last time, they were promptly put back in the yard even though I was in the shower).
Wrong-O.
Gabe, the older Lab and one I had blamed the majority of the digging on was in the kitchen happily chewing on his rawhide. I was sorting mail, paying bills, all that jazz, also in the kitchen.
Then, suddenly, my brain says, "Hey what is that on the floor over there-wriggling?"
I looked over only to find a small mud-slicked statue that vaguely resembled the miniature pinschure I was also looking after. After screaming "OUTSIDE" the statue deftly got up from rolling all over the carpet and bolted outside.
Little monster.
Little mud-slathered mud statue.
Oh, half mud-slathered statue since the other half was now all over the carpet!!

After two doggy baths, and a fun toweling off (I forgot how fun that is!) for the dogs that is, the house is back to normal.
And the carpet is too!
Dogs are so doggy!!

Advice of the day:

Do as much as you can then let it go.

You have done all you can do.

No sense in abusing yourself because you can’t do anything more.

Just move forward.
Be the best you can be and know that you have done the best you can.

Who's your Momma??

I traveled this past weekend with my mom and my brother to one of my other brother's wedding ( I have three brothers). My mother had never been on a commercial airline before, so this was a huge adventure. I have never really traveled with her before this weekend. So many things were made evident.

1. I know where I get my wriggles from. She could not sit still the entire trip. Up/down/up/down/up/down with the window seat window.
2. Rearranging the blanket and bumping me: I was so glad she was not riding next to a stranger.
3. “What was that??!!” At every new noise that happened on the airline. And because has Alzheimer’s, none of this knowledge stayed in her memory, so it was repeated ad nauseum.
4. Questions like, “Can we go to the bathroom while the plane is moving,” I learned to accept. If you don’t know, you gotta ask. Another quality she and I share.
5. OCD cleaning. Yes, she and I clean obsessively at the same rate. She regularly “swiffered” my brother’s house ( 5 cats and one dog = lots of hair).
   
6. My love of sleeping in regardless of the previous night's festivities....yep, got that from her too.

Basically, I found that most of my science qualities I gleaned from Mom. Some good, some bad.
I am my mother’s daughter.
If I can PLEASE just avoid that loosing your mind thing....

Our partners in crime

As a single person, I have lately become very thoughtful about how one picks a mate for the duration of one’s life.

If you look at life, generally most people have three stages of life: young adulthood- making your way, discovering who you are; Middle adulthood- finding a mate, raising children, and finally, Late adulthood- retiring and enjoying a life of looking back and looking forward to enjoying that which you have planned for.

So, how do you pick a mate? I think this is one of the most difficult things to do. I think, it is very difficult to pick one person whom you can grown thru all three (if not more) stages of life with.

I thoroughly believe it is possible to do: pick someone who can grow with you and you with them. Yet, it requires the person and you obviously, to be brutally honest with one’s goals and aspirations. It requires a level of self-awareness that a great many people are not capable of until much later. Hence the divorce rate we see.

Finding one’s identity is very difficult and very time consuming; especially if you have not had a very good example as a child.

By the time you figure it out, say around 28-35 years of age, you have already gotten married. Maybe you wake up and think, “Wow, what the hell have I married?” Or maybe you get to late adulthood and think, “I don’t want to spend 24/7 with this person.”

It is really very difficult. Yet, the most important things do seem to be very difficult to get correct. Trial and error…

I guess that is why they say, “Why is divorce so expensive?” “Because it is SO worth it!!”

Being able to retain who you are and what you are is priceless. Finding someone who is interested in nurturing that in you and you are interested in nurturing that in them is the key. This takes a great level of self confidence and that in and of itself is hard to come by. Growth and change is scary. Harder still, taking that good, long, hard look in the mirror and asking, “What can I do better with me?”

Growth, personal growth through the lifetime, is where the real challenge lies. Picking someone who really wants to grow at the same level and life-time rate is where the challenge lies.

It requires that everyone involved by honest. Brutally honest at a level that most find distasteful or uncomfortable. But this level is necessary for long term happiness.

So: Take a long, hard look in the mirror and speak the truth, regardless of its unattractiveness!!

The Adult Card.

As I mentioned earlier, my mother’s privilege to drive has been revoked. She went and tried the driving test (written) twice, and still has yet to pass it. Obviously she won’t.

This is so hard on so many levels. There are many activities she still does and she needs to keep attending them. My siblings and I are trying to work it out so we can get her to some of her events. But, it looks impossible to do everything.

The revocation of driving privilege is a huge adjustment, not only for Mom but for me too. Ever had to take the keys from your mom? Trust me, it is not something you want to have to do. It will work out, but it is depressing and awful. It is like turning in your adult card. Sad…

Decompensation in Real Time

My mother’s progression through Alzheimer’s has accelerated at an alarming rate. For all the heart ache and tears it causes me emotionally, I have to admit that it interests me on a scientific level.

My mom’s nouns are gone. Apparently, when you begin to decompensate neurologically certain sets of neurons hold up their little axons and dendrites and say, “Oh, we are nouns, we will just blink off now.”

And that’s it, all the nouns go away.

Ever try to communicate without nouns? Or, have you ever tried to understand someone who is trying to tell you a story without nouns?

Impossible.

My mom stopped recently and asked point blank, “Where have all my words gone?”

I wish to hell I knew. I’d go get the little devils and put them back in her brain. The emotional pain of watching this happen in real time is a fate I would not wish on my worst enemy. And yet, it is amazing, really, how and in what order the brain falls apart. How is it that the nouns are affected? Why not random words? Or words from all parts of grammar? How did the brain know all these were nouns?

The cognition is starting to go as well. That’s why I know she won’t pass her driving test…

At first, I wanted to believe it was attention seeking behavior. But no, her inability to understand and integrate new processes is real.

It kills me, inside and out.

And yet, there is still something interesting going on.

Such conflict…

Latest on the Nomadic Life…

I have officially taken residence in Wylie.

My goodness I live almost in Louisiana….

I had forgotten how far away from everything you are when you are out that way.

It’s only till August, but still.

Next, a search for my own residence…..

Yeah…!

What's on for this Summer!

Back at UT

One of the summer jobs I have is working part time for the lab I worked for at UTSW. I have returned to the pathology lab to do brain genotyping and synaptophysin protein assays on post mortem samples. Basically, it consists of finding out what genetic makeup a person had for the genes involved in neural degeneration that we associate with dementia and Alzheimer’s. The protein assay is just that; looking at the quantity of synaptophysin in different regions of the brain. Synaptophysin is associated with synaptic health. As the synapses in the brain breakdown, so declines the quantity of synaptophysin. I am getting my science fix this summer!

Two Down, Two to GO!!!!

Well my second semester is down for the count! Great grades and I am so happy summer is here! I have decided to take no classes this summer and just work…work on that being broke thing! But, man I am happy I am doing what I am doing.

Next semester is OBGYN and Peds as in Pediatrics. I would love to just skip the OBGYN section, but I am very much looking forward to the Peds rotation. I adore kids even though I don’t want any of my own. They are great! I'll see if I take to the sick kid / stressed parent thing or not. Who knows? The possibilities abound.

This is the most convincing reason I decided to take the plunge and get my RN: choices.

With an RN I can do anything. I am already thinking about an advanced degree after I work for a bit. First of all, where I work with pay for it. Bonus! Maybe a nurse practitioner or OR first assistant, I just have to see.

I can also foresee doing something else I truly love once I am at a later date of my career; teach. I think teaching nursing and nursing related classes when I am tired of everything else would be “just what the Dr ordered!” I already love to teach and nursing is so hands on and quite mechanical in a lot of ways. I could teach it, I’m sure.

Another facet of nursing that calls to me is being the organizer of academic research and its application to patient care or medical uses. I can speak the different languages necessary to communicate with the doctors, the scientist (I do speak geek!), and organize the data. The down side with this avenue is that it leads out of Dallas. The cutting edge science that is being applied to medicine is not in the southern part of the US. Lots to think about….

I have time. Why hurry? Life is too short.
Life is too short to be miserable, to hurry or to be in the wrong place.
I know my path is right.
It’s a great place.

The Best Line So Far…

So, um…..Can I waste drugs with you??

This STILL cracks me up! All narcotic medications have to be disposed of with supervision for obvious reasons. The above line is the usual line I heard while doing my OR rotation. It always made me giggle!

Two Down Two to Go!!

Yes, the final tests are over and we have had the happy hours celebration! WooHoo! Two down, two to go.

Finals were not so bad. I did well in th skills and clinicals. I did passable in lecture as did the vast majority of the class. The bottom line, is, I am still in the program. Sadly, not everyone can say that.
At happy hour, we all discussed how well our class has meshed. We have a great class of a wonderful mix of people. We all work together, party together and generally have great time. A rare thing I believe.

Nursing school is just a blast for me. I love the people, the patients, the learning and the unknown. Fear is really such a hindrance. I don't look at things as fearful, just the next adventure.
What does the next semester hold??
I will let you know.

Just a Body Part…

My last rotation this semester in nursing school was OR, that is, the Operating Room. I loved it. I did find some things quite interesting about it.

Namely, once you are anesthetized, you are, in fact, just a body part. You are draped and covered so that nothing appears except the offending region of your person that needs to be operated on. This made me both comfortable and slightly uneasy. Of course, this allows the surgeons to do what they need to do, operate without any distractions. However, if does remove the fact that there is a whole person under all those drapes. So, it is good and bad in numerous ways. The anesthesiologist keeps tract of the whole person, i.e., is that person under all that still breathing and is the person still asleep! Out cold is very important!

I did really love OR. I liked the teamwork: everyone has a job and everyone does it. I liked knowing that all the instruments had to be arranged and accounted for. Yes, I am an organizational nerd. I liked the music too, surgery is a great place for good tunes. I was able to get past the cold. The room is 60 degrees F. So, yes, you freeze your ass off if you are not careful.

But I did really enjoy my OR rotation. OR ranks high on the list of possible avenues of nursing once I graduate.

Yeah, gotta graduate fist!!

Two semesters down, 2 to go!!

My Nomadic Life

Yet again, my things are in storage. I am getting used to it. The moving part sucks, but since I am a “no stuff” person, it is not as bad as it could be. I am house sitting this summer for a fellow nursing student. He and the kids are going to be with his wife as she is out of town with her job till October.

I really believe that when you are on the right path in life, a way makes itself available to you. This is a good example of that. I had to move very unexpectedly from where I was ( the house I was renting sold) and was kinda stuck as to where to go. So this has worked out for both me and my fellow student. He knows his home and 2 dogs will be loved and well cared for and I can stay somewhere and take my time as to where to live next.

I hope to stay for a bit where ever I land this time around. At least for a while…

My one desire when I finally land in my own place this fall is a cat.
I want a cat.

So I am torturing myself looking on Petfinder.com!!

Home again, home again, jiggidy-jig…

Almost Done with Number Two!

I have only 4.5 weeks of school left. That includes one more lecture test, the lecture final, one more skills lab hands on check off and the skills lab final. I have two more major assignments due in the next two weeks.

I cannot wait to be done with this semester. So far, the grades are great, and I am having a blast. I have work lined up for the summer to keep me busy and to keep me funded. So far, I am keeping my head above water.

All of this still includes martial arts and some tiny bit of personal life.

However, between now and finals, I have to pack, move, somehow gently sell my mom's car as she is having her license revoked (how does one do that gently??), figure out how to get her around and re-schedule her life, plan to attend my brother's wedding in June (lives in New Jersey) and organize three part-time work schedules.

Oh and taxes.....crap. Can anyone say extension??

Thank the gods for my palm pilot.
I seem sorta busy, but I am having a great deal of fun. I kinda like the challenge of keeping it all going. I am really looking forward to getting away this summer somewhere and somehow. That is in the beginning stages of planning.

I really miss diving. But it will have to wait for a bit.

It is really quite busy but I like it.
I am still the one driving the car of life.

More Analogies to the Animal World

It is Spring yet again.
Considering what normally happens in spring...

Male posturing and competition.
Courtship.
Breeding.
Babies.

That is very obvious in the animal world. How does it relate in the human world?
Human beings are one of the few species where the females can be more flambouyant than the males. Typically it is the males that have the colorful plumage, large, fluffy coats, or horns with which to compete for females with. Generally, this makes the males more visible and thus, more susceptible to being eaten.

However in the human world, both genders are generally more visible with the females being more visible than some of us would wish at times. This is one difference.

I have also come to understand that after battle, often times men have a major increase in libido. Why is that? I think it may have to do with the age old fact that males at battle usually battled for breeding rights. At the end of the battle the victorious have rights to breed.

Our civilation, our culture has leaped ahead of our evolution through our technology, food production and the like. Our biology has yet to catch up with our society's evolution. Biology just does not move that fast.

Maybe males going through battle still have that biological memory if you will, that the reward for battle involves rights to females. Just a thought. Maybe this also has something to do with why in raging battles, the raping of women also happens. A horrible thing, but similar behaviors can be seen in numerous animal specieswhen taking over other groups' females.

I also have known of women who are very taken with men who fight over them. Some of these women often encourage such situations. Not healthy, but a fact.

So the idea of battle being a prelude to rights to females and the right to propogate genes may not be so removed from our species.

Just some random thoughts.....

Update after Terrell

I realize I have not blogged in a while. So here goes to rectify this!!

I have finished with Terrell! I cannot communicate how happy I am to have that all done. I never thought the words, “I can’t wait to get back to med-surg,” would ever cross my lips but they have with relief. Terrell was not somewhere I ever want to return to. I did live through the experience. I will say in the defense of Terrell, the staff were very interested in caring for the patients. Most of these people did really need to be there. It was unusual that a patient at Terrell did not need to be there. I ran across one, but it was unusual.

New Job!

I am now a hearing screener for newborns at Baylor downtown.

This is really a great deal of fun. Mostly the babies are adorable and the people there are happy; new baby and all. I have only wanted to run from the room with two children so far. I feel badly for some of these babies and what they are obviously born into.

I do really believe we should have requirements for child bearing. By and large, the job is great and the hourse very flexible.
Yeah!

Reasons for comfort:

Through life, you find some people you can be yourself around and some you can’t.

Why is that? I have come to the cursory decision that it is acceptance, a lack of judgment, love; that defines this comfort. Those people you can be around, those who will not judge you, those who will trust you beyond doubt believing you will make decisions that are good and that you have the strength to make those good decisions regardless of the situation- these are the people that we find comfort in being around. There are no “uncomfortable silences” b/c they know you just need time to think and be quite. They let you come to the time to talk in your own time.

These things sound so small and so easy. But these are very difficult things to do: not judge people, be patient, trust them, have faith and love unconditionally. So very hard to do.

When you find such people hold gently and nurture them. You should be able to be the same person no matter who you are around. This I think is the best goal. It is such comfort to just be who and what you are no matter.

Purtis Creek

Camping this past weekend was at Purtis Creek . Sometimes you just have to get out of town for the weekend!
All things were packed into the car and off we went. Of course, there is always one thing forgotten and this trip was no exception. The infamous green bucket of cooking utensils, headlamp, and camp soap was left behind. Alas, the best laid plans....

Since it was the last weekend in February, the trees were not yet green with foliage. However, there was the cutest of light green "fluff" to them as they were just beginning to sprout forth new leaves. Everything had the appearance of fuzz. As night fell, the stark, leave-less trees silently stated one word to me: patience.
Simple because they were waiting.
I liked the stark contrast of naked branches against the waning sunlight. We saw birds galore and we still have several to identify.

The Saturday dust/wind storm was something else. The morning began with, "Wow, it is all hazy outside." Walking throughout the day proved to have grit attached to it but you didn't notice until you got back to camp because you were so distracted with trying not to take flight in the high winds. When we did get back to camp, several tree branches had landed very near the tent. We decided that since Mother Nature had provided firewood in such an obvious fashion, gathering and burning it all would be just fine. We had a grand fire.

Purtis Creek is a small camp ground but we had practically the whole camp ground to ourselves. We camped in spot #60, on the other side of the dam and there was not a soul around us. Perfect.

We have another trip scheduled for Dinosaur Valley. Who's in??

One Down, 5 to go…Psych!

I have just come home from my first day on the psych unit. As some of you know, I was not looking forward to this. Between personal family experience and recent friend experience, I was simply not looking forward to going through the psych rotation.

The first day has come and gone, and really it was not that bad. Granted, I have not been to Terrell yet, that is next week, but so far, it’s ok. We sat in on group therapy today. This entails the patients all coming together to discuss what they are feeling, fears and other thoughts. The vast majority of people were there because of severe depression and/or having attempted suicide.

The real theme I heard in this group of sad, depressed people was a lack of connection to other human beings. “I am just so lonely since my husband died,” or “I just feel the loneliness come over me,” were both common statements.

What I heard from these people is this: they don’t feel like people care about them. What’s more, they don’t know how to go about changing that feeling. Many of the people there had been abused or taken advantage of in terrible ways. Honestly, I could relate on some level to how some of the patients were feeling.

Why is it that we can be so mean to each other? Are our lives so busy that we forget to care about our friends or about our families? The therapist said something sadly very funny: “Yeah, any major family holiday can make anyone want to starting using [drugs/alcohol] again.”

So very sad, and yet so very true.

I think the part I have the hardest time with is the simple fact I identify with some of these people. I know how they are feeling and what they are going through because I have walked their path.

Of course, it begs the question, why am I not also in their shoes? Why am I not also sitting here on the other side of the table? Why is it that I have not been on that other side of the table at least once before?

To me, there is only one obvious answer to that: Friends

A gift I seem to have in abundance.

Ya’ll, I am thankful for every one of you.

Yes, you too…

The Realm of the Mind

Blog

I have dealt with a few people in my life that suffers from mental illnesses, family and friends both. The most challenging of those illnesses is Schizophrenia.

Mental illness is truly fascinating to me. One person talked about how once the voices were under control with drugs, visual manifestations began of real people. Just as real as any physical person in the room.

How does the brain do this? I have always known that perception is your reality, but this is a whole different level. The perception-real to the person experiencing it- is something that does not exist in the physical world. People who are not there, voices that are convincing enough to coerce a person to act on the suggestions- these are real to the person experiencing them.

The brain manifests an entire entity or entities.
Begs the question; are we just vehicles for the entity that is the brain? Do we just house that existence? The brain makes up entire personas, some are coping mechanisms, some are friends, some are alter egos.
How does the brain do that? What combinations of neurons and synapse make whole other people that the person recognizes as separate from self but still sees as real? It is amazing to me that we can house whole other consciousnesses. Wow.

The brain is an uncharted territory right here on earth. I think it will remain so for quite some time. I hope the exploration continues…

Second Semester...Slam!

Well, here I am in second semester of nursing school and slammed is the word.
Word....
As Stephani would say.

We are busy, busy and I am worried I will not keep up at times. I sat down this week and put all of my due dates and assignments into my palm to try and keep up. I am sure it will be OK. (Please...?)

On the job front, the newborn hearing thing looks pretty good as I got feedback on that today.
On the teeth front, I need a crown. Yuck.
On the martial arts front, my right foot is better, but still painful. I kicked my instructor and he blocked with his knee, crafty man. Big bruise but dodged the broken bone bullet.

Otherwise, things are doing pretty good. Except the weather is not Moose friendly. This takes the fun out of travel to and fro....


More later!!

Barbaro Passes On...

Sadly, Barbaro, the race horse has been euthanized. A great loss to racing. Micheal Matz is also in the show jumping community, so I was very familiar with him and his philosophy of horse management. If they chose to euthanize Barbaro, it was warranted.
Sad, but at least he is not in pain.

Another manufactured holiday is upon us.

I was wondering where exactly Valentine's day comes from.

I decided to find out. Its history is a bit murky but still wrapped in the lovely blanket of love.

I have never thought much of this holiday. It seems to be yet another method of our over-commercialized society to force people into spending money in yet another frivolous fashion. Make no mistake, I am not a tightwad, I just don't need an entire day, on a national level, to remind me to tell the people in my life that I care about them.

Why can't I do that every day?

In any way I choose?

I know we are all very, very busy and it is easy to take the ones you care about for granted.

Maybe the take-away message for Valentine's Day is this:

Remember the people you love and cherish them everyday. They have a choice as to whether they are in your life or not. Be openly thankful for their presence in your life. People need to know you love, appreciate and value the investment they make in your life.

So say so.

As often as possible.

Valentine's Day is just a reminder.

Komodo Immaculate Conception

This is a great link to the article about the Komodo dragon giving laying fertile eggs that have now began hatching into wonderful little dragons!! Many of you know my penchant for dragons! I have read about the phenomenon of reptiles being able to produce fertile eggs without a male. This is the first documented case for Komodos which are endangered. So far all the baby dragons are doing great. The article fails to state if all the little ones are female. In some reptiles, gender is dependent on incubation temperature. I can't wait to see how they all do!

Cool New Shark!

This is a great link about a Frilled shark. These sharks are very rare to see alive and swimming, but one was filmed in Japan. Sadly, the shark died shortly after being moved to the aquarium for observation.

There have been more and more of “rare” sea creatures coming to the surface or being found. Is it that we now have the technology to see these, or as in this case, the creatures are making their presence know.

This begs the question(s), why are they coming our of their normal habitat of deep in the ocean? Is there no food? Are they becoming ill more and more? Do they do this normally and with the higher population of the planet, people are just noticing them?

I cannot help but think the human race maybe affecting the planet so intensely that we are altering the balance of the ecosystem. There is plenty of theory that states the human race is driving the next major extinction.
Just a thought…

Australia has strange things to offer...

Ok...just FYI, I did not encounter this problem while diving in Australia!! Our diving saw minimal sharks (damn!) and none of them attempted to eat us head first.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070123/ap_on_re_au_an/australia_shark_attack

Back in School-Psych!

Yes, this semester is our Psych semester. I have to admit I am not looking forward to this. Having spent time with my father in this setting, I have negative memories of anything to do with Psych. We have to spend rotations at Terrell and Wysong. Both mental institutions. It will be interesting to see the mental health field from the view of a practitioner vs a patient. I am sure there is much to learn, but I will have to get past my uncomfortableness. Growth happens no matter where you are.

I am sure, as happens with all psych-studying students, I will see lots of the definitions of conditions existing in myself or others around me.
Please save me from self-diagnosis!!

Ice Day in Dallas

School was canceled today. I have been home all day with the exception of the run to the post office. In between movies ( The Illusionist-excellent, Little Miss Sunshine-worth watching just for the last 20 minutes!) I saw lots of info-mercial TV. I never watch TV. Usually it is reading text or reading and listening to music. Or just the music.

So, I have to ask, when did we come up with coloring books for kids that do not require practicing staying in the lines??!!?? Or even crayons?? There is this advertisement for coloring with "any tool, even you finger" and the color appeared in the picture, perfect, in the lines and with texture.
Crazy!
Oh, you mean coloring, aside from being fun, was to help with hand-eye motor control? Oh the horror that we might want the kids to a) imagine a color for the picture, b) color the appropriate section and learn to stay in the lines, or c) take time to finish the picture and make it look nice. No, can't have any imagination or personal interest now can we??

And my all time favorite...we can't possibly want the kid making a mess.
Kid = Mess
That is how it is supposed to be. Just like men are wired to look at women, kids are wired to be messy. Neither of these are bad.
The mess is part of learning.
How else would they learn to clean up??

Round Two...

I am back at school as of today! Semester Two is underway and we jumped in with both feet practicing inserting Foley catheters. Next week, Nasogastric tubes, then our first scenario check off for this semester. The whirlwind of class is underway.

I am happy to be back. After this semester, I will actually be half way through. I will take the summer to work and restock the funds, and then on into the final stretch. Then I can attempt to have an adult life again.

Although I am having fun right now. I took this last semester and did school only, no job. Having worked since I was 12, this was quite a treat. I must admit, I don't think I was busy enough last semester, so a job is just what the doctor ordered. I will let you know what I end up with, as I am pretty open-minded. My roomie suggested Bone Daddys and now having went there for lunch (the ribs were great!) there is no way on earth I could work there. I require more clothing than that to be at work. Call me old fashioned....

Anyway, I am sure the right thing will come along. It just has to include a reasonable amount of clothing...

Home!!

We did actually catch our plane and get to come back to Dallas. Not so for the other half of our group, as their flights were canceled. They had to stay over night another day. But they should be on their plane and on their way home.

I must say, after the bunk beds we had to stay in, my bed never felt so amazing! I stretched out in the middle of my bed and loved the fact that it was,um, COMFORTABLE!!

No more sleeping on the couch because of discomfort or the lack of ability to climb into my top bunk bed. That hurt shoulder kept me couch bound a night!

Home is good!

Irony...

Well, we are one day away from leaving Denver. And the irony of the whole deal is we may be stuck in Denver because of weather in Dallas!!

How ridiculous is that? We get iced out of Dallas? Who woulda thunk??

My classes start on Tuesday, so I have to find a way to be back in Dallas by then. Please, let us board our airplane home! Staying in the airport overnight just does not sound good at all. But we will do whatever we need to.

Overall, this has been a really great week of snowboarding, pain, drinking, fun and more pain. Did I mention pain? I love to learn new things even at the expense of physical comfort. The scenery here is so stunning. We were blessed with new snow this past night. I want to go boarding again, but I am going to err on the side of caution and be worthless today. Really I think I will just walk around and take pictures of the beautiful snow.

Hope to see you all in Dallas by Sunday evening!!

Finally!!

Well today snowboarding finally came together!

OK, I still suck at it, but I can actually tie my turns together and stop and negotiate terrain.

Vast improvement.

I only boarded half a day today to take it easy, I didn't want to over do it. I did fall another time on my hurt shoulder, but it was not as bad nor as painful. Still not good though.

All in all, snowboarding is much harder to get than skiing. I really love the snowboarding but I do not know if I will ever be comfortable going down the mountain at break-neck speed sideways....

I may go back to skiing. The side-ways thing was more than I had anticipated. Still, I do like it. I would give it another go-'round to see if I can get more comfortable sideways before I bag it and go back to skiing.

If I go back to skiing I will invest in my own knee braces and have fun!!

The baptism is complete...

One of my fellow snowboarders stated, “Snowboarding is a baptism is pain.” Well, after today, the baptism is complete.

I had to cut my snowboarding short today. I was getting back into it and then, caught the wrong edge and got bitch-slapped into the snow, on my back only with my left arm to be caught behind me. I managed to not dislocate my shoulder, my left shoulder, you know, the one that actually functions fully, but I did wrench it badly. Having a high tolerance to pain and not prone to crying at all, I was on the verge of tears.

A few deep breaths later and I had a grip again. But, yeah, I was done for the the day. I had to ride over to the Sunspot lodge to meet up for lunch. And of course, I then put most of the snowboarding pieces together. Yes, I was able to keep my board headed down the mountain and could catch my toe and heel edge as needed. I just couldn't move my left arm.

So, I took the pantywaist way down the mountain via the lift, and retired to the house.

Physical assessment:
Both knees black and blue
Wrenched left shoulder
Ass several unnatural colors

Yes, the baptism is complete.

And will I get up and go snowboarding again.

Yes.

My masochistic little self still wants to master the board.

Fear that Creeps in...

This is one of the things that I hate MOST about aging and one of the things that I am most fiercely battling to overcome.

Fear.

When did it creep in? Why does it creep in? What is it about being early to mid 30's that suddenly makes you resistant to doing new things? Is it only women that have this or do men reach a point too?

I love new things.

So why the fear associated with that?

I was speaking to woman on the ski lift about this subject. She was newly 40, and her two kids were in snowboarding lessons. She decided to learn with them and thus she was in my adult class. We talked briefly about how it was “now or never” for her about learning this new sport. We both hated the fear that seems to just settle in and exist inside your psyche.

I realize that always in life, the true battle rages within.

This is definitely in that category.

I will continue my raging battle with this entity and I know I will overcome it. I did today on the slopes.

I did also with my motorcycle as I was fairly terrified when I first got Moose. But holy crap I love that bike. And although I have a healthy fear when riding, it is of the other drivers, not of my bike.

Fear can be overcome and I don't want it or anything else to limit my life that way.

I am just not ready to roll over and give up.

Fear, be banished!

When everything is willing except the ass....

OK, my second day of snowboarding is here and done. I wanted to keep going but the ass was unwilling. My hips are blue and purple after today. Ouch.

The crazy thing is, I will be doing the same thing tomorrow!!

After lunch today, I switched my feet. I changed my bindings (the things that strap your feet to the board) from “Goofy foot” (Right foot forward) to Regular or left foot forward. What a huge difference!! I can steer so much better! I am now having a bit of a problem with the toe edge, hence the SPECTACULAR flip and hip plant that I actually got applause for. Make that two hip-plants but only one complete with flip and applause...

Thus the bruised hips.

Fortunately, from my martial arts, I have managed to fall on my hips and not my tail bone. I am hoping to keep that going. A hurt tail bone would be really bad.

It is amazing that anything that hurts this bad is still so fun!! And yeah baby, it is painful. But what really good stuff isn't? Anything that is worth doing does come with a price. Sometimes it is bruises. Other times it hurts differently....

I think snowboarding is really worth learning and thus the price is some pain.

OK, a lot of pain.

But hey, it's fun!!

Winter Park Day Two

So I took my snowboard lessons this morning and really enjoyed them. I spent the afternoon practicing my heel and toe edge. After much falling and one spectacular face-plant, I feel like I am doing much better.

Snowboarding is so very much like motorcycle riding. You have to look where you want to go. It is intuitive in that way. If you aren't looking there you are truly not going to go there! So the deal is, equally distribute your weight between both feet, look in the direction you want to go and your hips and shoulders will follow. If you don't have enough momentum, focus more of your weight a bit on the front leg, then you will go more fluidly forward. Don't lean down the mountain!! You will catch an edge and BAM, either a butt plant or a face plant depending on the edge you are on. Not good...

Really, I found snowboarding more to my liking and ability than skiing. The fact that both legs are attached to the same thing is a comfort to me. Snowboarding uses my flexibility and balance even more than skiing. Snowboarding is harder in some ways, but I found it more conducive to the abilities I have.

I love snowboarding!!

My goal now is to just practice and get better at it.

Oh, and not injure myself horribly in the process!!

Hot tub, here I come!!

Winter Park,Colorado

It is another year of skiing! This year the gang is at Winter Park. We are in a huge house and everyone has settled in. Pictures will follow in the next week, I am sure. I am just happy to have this one last reprieve before school starts!

Another Year Upon Us

Another year has come and gone. So much has happened this last year. My hope is the next year will be more peaceful and a lot less hectic. I have school worked out. I know I can find a job, or at least another one. I need to add workouts back into my life. I wasn't tired enough last year. The workouts are a requirement to my sanity.
Does anyone else feel like '06 simply flew by? It didn't even seem to take a breath, it just kept on going.

I want the merry-go-'round to stop for a bit so I can get off.
So, in '07, I vote we take a time out.

As death creeps in...

I have a new job. I am currently doing some time as a home health aid. Basically, this is sitting with people who are at death's door. But they haven't knocked yet. It is just to make sure that all of their needs are met at this crucial time.

And it is really sedentary.

I think our culture is afraid of death. Personally it is not death I fear but the incapacitation that often precedes death. That is what I fear.

Or worse, physical capacity coupled with mental incapacity. Such is the case with my mom, and grows more so every day. I think I would write myself a post-it note to remember to off myself in the event I loose my mind. Unlike my mom, I won't have 4-5 children to help look after me.

But, I diverge.

We covered “Death and Dying” in this last semester of nursing school. This is what I figured it would be like.

Even though the person I am sitting with has only medicaid and medicare, the establishment appears well run. Clean, clean smelling, and a friendly get-the-job-done staff makes the place appear quite nice. Caring for the elderly is a job that few people are cut out to do. I know I won't be doing it as a career path. But everyone deserves to be cared for up until death creeps in.

What did you get for Christmas this year?

For this year, my siblings and I went into together and bought my mom a GPS. We all agreed that her getting lost is becoming a problem and Mom also does not like it at all. Who would? You can't get home? No way.

So we bought a Garmin for her. It is a very basic model but it suites her purpose perfectly. I have already programed it and uploaded all the appropriate maps. Most importantly, I have programed “GO HOME” into it. Verbal directions at the touch of a button.

Perfect.

Discussion with siblings, Time- 45 minutes.

Purchase of GPS, $379

Mom never being brought home by the Dallas Police Department again,

Priceless!

Running: An Update

I have started running again. I am not getting enough exercise and energy expenditure, so running I go. I am also reading a great book on running, ChiRunning, by Danny Dryer. It is instruction on how to run with the principles of Tai Chi. It is great! I have been running for about 5 days now and I have no pain. Granted, I am not running a marathon, nor do I intend to, but normally after the first run, my knees hurt and I generally hurt all over. With this new form, there is no pain. For anyone who wants to run regularly, and without injury, I highly recommend this book. Form is the key; body lean, landing your feet behind you to be more like a wheel in motion instead of slamming your heel down then pushing off with your toes, and relaxation. Hey, I can do that.

And with so much to think about, all those pesky thoughts running through your head go away. You relax, swing your elbows, keep your column straight, lean, and viola! You are running. And you don't hurt.

The job hunt...

Yes, now that I have the first semester down, I need to find a job to actually continue to pay my bills. I have applied at three of the hospitals in the area and will follow-up tomorrow with them all. I hope to find something in an interesting field. Yeah, but job, income per se, is the goal. I have faith the right things will come along. You just have to be prepared.

My one goal is to try and avoid waiting tables.
But, whatever works....
We will see, it is all an adventure!!

One down (almost!) three to go...

Yes, next week is finals week! I tested in my final skills scenario check-off today and passed with a perfect score. Four our of hour, WooHoo!! I am having a blast at the nursing thing. I have two finals next week, one in lecture that I must do outstanding on to keep my scholarship and the other in skills lab. So far, so good.

I am enjoying all of this more than I thought possible. I really thought there would be more of the nursing stuff that I simply thought, "OK, just do this, get through it, and go on to the next thing." Surprisingly, I have yet to encounter this . I still have no real idea of what facet of nursing I will go into, but that is what rotations are for, right? That is my hope anyway.

One of my close friends who is a NICU nurse informed me the other day that she had decided on the field I should go into: Burn trauma unit. Her reasoning?

"Well, Lisa, you do whatever you need to do to keep your patient from coding (i.e. dying) and you have morphine in one pocket and more drugs in the other. After the crisis is over, you call the Dr and tell him what you did so he can write the order. Oh, and it doesn't really require lots of bedside manner...just your thing!"
I love Chrsity, even pod Christy.
I am glad she loves me....

So, wish me good vibes as I plow into finals week next week.

I did, actually feel sorta like a nurse last week. I got to do lots of education and the family of the patient I was with, wanted my help and I feel as though I was really helpful. It was nice.

It's all about who you wrap your love around...

To know or not to know...

If you do a good deed, should the person who benefits know about it?
Just food for thought...
If you do something that really improves another’s life, and they are completely unaware, should they come to know how that benefit befalls them?

Or is it better to do as the saying goes; random acts of kindness. Random indicating that the receiver is unaware or possibly undeserving. But doesn’t everyone deserve kindness?

Maybe it is better for the person benefiting to be oblivious. If they knew, would it change the meaning and gravity of the kindness? Is it a comfort to know that “someone out there” meant you well and you are incapable of returning the gift even if you wanted?

I firmly believe what you put into this world does come back to you. I do not believe in judging people, ostracizing them or interacting on a conditional basis with people. I also thoroughly believe that it is the responsibility of each person to be good to other people.

The ones that are hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.

Ever so true.

On the flip side, I think it is hard to gift someone with something or make someone’s life better without them understanding the how and the why or the journey that the deed required. We are human and humans tend to be self-centered in the respect of acknowledgement. I think it is important to make other people’s lives better even if they don’t now how it came to be, even if they don’t understand the investment.

It still improved life.
Is this not the point to it all?

Just a thought.
Just a question.

Gifts

So far, all the patients I have cared for have had wonderful family. Their kids or spouse or siblings have been there to help look after them and for emotional support.

I know I have blogged about this before, but there are two things in this world you should be most thankful for--thankful right down to your soul.

The fact that someone loves you and your health.

You can buy neither one. They are only gifts. The later of the two being luck of genetic reshuffeling.

Being loved by someone, is a gift both ways. Always love whom you love freely.

Your health, well, take care of what you have! Don't take it for granted, because when it is gone, it is really gone. With your health also goes lots of other things. Participation in life, judgment, courage and independence are the things that saddle up and ride away with you health.

fortunately, for the people I have interacted with so far, family is there ready and willing to take care of things. I know I will encounter those in the future that will not be so lucky.

Take care of yourself first. If you don't take care of you, then you can't take care of anyone else.

Clinical Scenario One

As the instructor breathes down your neck...

My first clinical scenario check off was Tuesday. It involved taking all the vitals; blood pressure, temperature, pulse and respirations. Every scenario involves a huge safety factor. Bed rails up, call button in reach, all that.

Having taught people marital arts for so long, and horse riding lessons, I am used to the teaching aspect that nursing requires. I was very relieved to find that I passed with excellent marks and comments from my instructor. I am really having lots of fun learning to be a nurse. Obviously there will be things I don't like, but I don't have to do these things forever, and all learning is good.

Sadly, many people in class did not pass. I think more than anything, it was the stress that got to them. I know they will all do better and most likely pass without any problem on their next try.
But the stress is the real deal. You gotta be able to tune it out, take control of your nervous system and get'r done!

Who knew I would use Tae Kwon Do and Tai Chi in such varied ways in my life.

Theory of Care

Here I am again in the Monday theory class of nursing. I am getting the feeling that I have had grooming for nursing school all my life. Today's big lecture is over therapeutic listening. How to listen, how to further conversations with patients and how to give feedback.

I have always thought listening was one of the key aspects of learning to be a person and learning to be a friend. I always thought it was a challenge to listen without harboring preconceived ideas or without having already formulated an "answer" ready for a stream of conversation that hasn't even happened yet. Listening for me is the art of mental stillness; yet the mind must stay completely alert. You have to be still and listen. Whether that be finding pulses on your patient or hearing the words your patient speaks. You have to listen in exactly the moment, you can't get ahead and you can't lag behind. You listen with all your self, all your senses. You also can't decide what is being said before the thoughts are being expressed If you do, you have stopped listening.

Then, what do you do with what you hear? I always like asking more questions.
I know that won't surprise most of you...

New experiences

For those of you who know me, you all know I don't talk about my personal life very much.

I became divorced last year. It has been an education for my about the world of single. I am very fine with my current status of "alone." As a matter of fact, I like it just fine. Not that I was married to a bad person, but just that it was the wrong place.

But I must comment on the single vs., married persona.

Most of my friends are still my friends. It has been a very few people who have suddenly decided that single equals not worthy of dealing with. But at large, being single does change the world as you interact with it.

The reactions of those around you are very interesting. There are those that want to 'hook you up' as soon as possible. These are great people, and well meaning, but it wasn't on my agenda. There are those people close to you who understand that there are things you need to deal with for you, so that in the event you inflict yourself on someone else, it will be ok. There are also those people who think you have suddenly contracted leprosy and cease talking to you as if leprosy is catching via the air.

I really don't care. It has just been interesting to experience. I did not know until now, how much of other people's perception of you was intertwined with your married or single status in life. I always liked people for who they were. It wasn't about who they were with or who they were married to. So initially, I didn't understand. Now I do.

It just goes to show I am not like other people. I am actually really happy about that. It is a little painful at times, but in the long run, it is good.

Having lived through this experience, I hope to always treat people as individuals first, and as partners second. People need to be identified as individuals first, as spouses or counterparts later.

It is really about taking care of those around you. The individual people.