Monday, December 29, 2008

To Write or not?

I have been toying with the idea of writing; letters, short stories, maybe a novel (one day). I have always thought writing would be somewhat "taboo" for me as my writing has always been so poor. That whole failing English twice before I passed it did nothing for my confidence either. This is why I originally began blogging. To learn to better express myself with written word. Well, also to improve my grammar. I have given up on spelling. When you grow up with words like, "growed" and "yellur" (insert yellow), it is easy to understand how writing and speaking properly would be a challenge.

At any rate, I am reading, learning and beginning to amass ideas and story-lines for a would be book. Maybe a short story first....but I am really thinking about it.
I am going to try. I mean really try it out! My chosen genre is a little interesting, but I think it will be an adventure!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

On to the next one...

Well, the housing bid fell through as it had foundation issues and we could not come to an agreement on who pays to fix it.
Heavy sigh...
They won't be able to get rid of it b/c a mortgage co., won't write a note on a house with foundation damage.

Well, there are plenty out there!

Holiday Wish

For this holiday I wish everyone:

Health - for it is priceless and cannot be gifted
Warmth - In the heart, in the home and in the house!
Friendship - A blessing we just seem to miss the importance of until you find an old friend..or a new one!
Love - It adds such meaning to life and those who possess it unconditionally for those around them
Contentment - Contentment in what you have, where you are, and where you want to head to
The capacity to learn - it sure beats the hell out of re-inventing the wheel and it is a lot less painful

Happy holidays!!

Haivng a cold blows!

It does it blows! All the time...You blow your nose and then you blow your nose again....
It blows!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Housing continued...

I bid on a house today. A foreclosure, a great deal and it will make perfect rental property when I move on. At just shy of 1200 sqft, it is the perfect size for me! I will know if all goes well and the offer is accepted in a few days. The price is so great, even with all taxes, insurance and mortgage, it will be more than $200 less than my rent.

My Realtor states that 1 in 10 homes will foreclose in 2009. That's the estimate.
Very scary...
However, a feeding frenzy for investors.

At any rate, this will begin my real estate investing. My goal would be to purchase one more before the end of 2009.
We will see....

I am scared, excited, cautious and curious. What will I learn next?? I have wanted to do this for a very long time and have spent quite a lot of energy getting ready to do this.

Well, here I go!

Friday, December 05, 2008

If Alzheimer's had form...

I wish Alzheimer's had physical form,
Then I could smash it and hit it with large sticks,
Tar and feather,
Draw and quarter,
I could lash it to a large, wild beast,
so that it would be swept away with the beast's wild running.
I could incinerate it,
scatter the ashes far and wide,
there by disseminating its evil far, far away
into minuscule pieces,
no longer dangerous to anything or anyone.
I could jump up and down on it with both feet.
Squashing it flat,
stomping it to bits.
I could make it go away, release my anger and free my mom from its vicious grasp.
If only Alzheimer's were corporeal.
These are all things things I could do.

Monday, December 01, 2008

No Warm and Fuzzy

I have found that my house feels a little, well, lonely. I am really starting to miss not having a pet. My fish are great, but there is no warm and fuzzy with the little guys. I don't think I will be getting a pet until I am in a house as opposed to an apartment, but I still miss a pet at home.

Until I move into a house, I will have to visit my BF's kitty's. They are a very good substitute!!

Pets bring so much to our lives. Yes, some of what they bring includes hair, occasional vomit or "accidents" but little trouble in comparison to the joy and love they give unconditionally.


I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays with friends and family. Although I have never been crazy about this time of year, I am having fun relaxing and working. I do love the weather this time of the year brings. The cool is excellent for camping and one of my favorites...skiing and snowboarding! We will be going again in January for my fourth year in a row.

As for the working part, I work all the holidays this year. Yes, this time around it is by choice, but it will make for a really nice paycheck! My family hasn't celebrated holidays on the actually day in many years, so it is really a non-issue. So far it is proving to be a quiet, easy going holiday season.

I have done almost all of my shopping on line and shipped the gifts. The others I have made. Some of the home made ones were food, others were sewn things. Definitely the way to go.

I hope everyone is happy, well, and enjoying life!
Happy Holidays!

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Why don't you have time to go see the MD?

In follow up to my post about not ignoring symptoms of a stroke, I got to thinking...

Why do people put off going to the Doc? Why do we say, "I don't have time," or, "It's probably nothing"? Where does that attitude come from; we don't have time to look after our health or we can't go to the doctor?

I really think that culture, that attitude, comes from our lack of available, universal health care and how driven we are for our jobs.

First of all, in other countries, annual physicals are required, you are scheduled time off for them. How does that simple fact affect attitudes? I would think it would make people more aware that their health is important, not to mention finding very treatable afflictions early on.

Often times I think people are worried that if they a) take off work (maybe not get paid) to go the doctor, and b) pay the ridiculous costs of an office visit, oh and c) waste an even more obscene amount of time waiting for your appointment - and then it was nothing.....Well, then you have wasted loads of $$ and your time and lost time from work.

Wow, you just made yourself sicker....

We have a culture in the US that work is so all important. For many, as hourly workers, it IS all important. It they don't work, their families don't eat. Even for those who have insurance and sick days, going to the doctor means your co-workers have already sent you home b/c they think you contagious.

Would it be different if we could go to the doctor, be seen and know it would be a more reasonable cost?
Would we look after our health more and our jobs just slightly less if our work/employers had the attitude of forcing us to go get physicals?

I do personally believe that the attitude of health and going to the doc would be better if health care was a given, not a gift through our employer or some other grace. I also think that people would look after their health more if they also thought medications needed could be had without selling your children on the black market to pay for said meds. I have already had folks in my unit who confessed to stopping blood pressure meds b/c they had a hard time paying for them.

The expense to our society as a whole and those individuals personally will be so much greater now that the person literally 'blew a gasket' and leaked blood all over their brain and are never going to be the same. The meds would have been oh so much cheaper...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Things to never ignore

There is one consist thing I have seen and heard so far in the neuro-icu:
"My right hand hasn't worked right for a day or two."
"I couldn't make the words come out since this morning."
"Dad seemed 'off' since Sunday." It being one week later, now.

People, when you or your loved one starts to behave slightly funny or a body part does not seem to work like it is supposed to, GO TO THE ER.
Don't wait. Dont' avoid. Don't be afraid of what it really means.

In the case of a clot (ischemic stroke), it has a very good chance of being reversed if you begin treatment within 3-6 hrs of onset of signs and symptoms.

A bleed in the brain (hemorrhagic stroke) can get worse or simply not heal and keep leaking, causing more and more damage.

Don't ignore subtle signs. If Mom or Dad seem a little "off," quiz them; Date? Day of week? Year? Names of loved ones? What was for breakfast? The answers should be pretty swift and accurate.

Just FYI...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

"No I don't use no alcohol"

We wondered why the patient was so concerned with where her purse is. It is kind of common that the older ladies are very concerned with where there purse is. To prevent anxiety, we usually give them their purse. This night was interesting. After wondering why her blood pressure was still so very low, we decided to go through the purse.
Things found in patient's purse:
  • 1/5 of whiskey
  • 4 different bottles of narcotics
  • laxatives
  • Extra strength tylenol

Needless to say, when she went into respiratory distress, Narcan became our best friend as she was over dosed.

Note to self: Remove belongings from patient's reach and monitor access.

Never underestimate the cute little old ladies

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Go Vote!!

I voted in early voting today. There were already crowds, thus my suggestion is to vote early if you can.

I think this year it will be a hot election. I must say, the electronic voting let me a little wary. How do I know those electronics won't be tinkered with? How are votes counted if the electronic system goes awry?
I have to look up the systems and back up systems that are in place to ease my fears.

My civic duty, however is done!
Go Vote!!
Whatever your beliefs and thoughts are, at least express them!

The Taking of Pills

I have become increasingly interested in how people swallow pills. I know, I know, a weird topic, but one that is integral to every part of my working day.

Some people take one at a time or even require the pill be cut up. Others take the whole bucket at once and knock back the lot, and, with a upward jerk of the head and a large mouth full of beverage, down those pills go! It is as if their gullet just opens up!

There are also the ones in between (this is me as well) who can take about 2-3 at at time with enough beverage.

Do throats come in sizes?? Are some blessed with this pelican-like gullet that accepts anything? While others of us have narrow throats and can't swallow anything?

It is just interesting to watch how people take their meds. I am now trying to guess; is she a head jerker, take-all-at-once kinda gal or is he a "please cut it up into 4's" kinda guy. You just never know!

Saturday, October 04, 2008


I found this interesting article at on anxiety and its relation to the fluctuating economic times.
I know that anxiety and other psychological problems are real and valid, but have we become a nation that cannot withstand any imperfection or "bumps in the road" of life? Sometimes life is really hard. You have to figure out how to deal with it and get on with it.
So many people seem unable to do that.
On the same note, I worry so much about our current generation; they thing they have to have new cars and the top designer items right now. All the girls have expensive handbags and perfect, manicured nails - they are about 12 years old....

What happens when they don't get what they want later in life as so often happens in real life?
With no coping skills, it will be a hard fall.

I think that is a big part of the problem, no coping skills, no "life skills." So many turn to medication. Medication helps, helps you get through the tough part. Without truly addressing the problem - what caused you to need the meds in the first place - it will never improve.
The injury is still under the bandaid...
Our nation faces several problems, many of which are our own making (buying houses we knew we could not afford) and those that simply befall us. Bad things do happen to good people.
It's what we do with the bad things that makes the difference, makes us who we are.
Even as a nation.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Unexpected Neighbors

As I was putting boxes into the storage closet off my balcony, I saw a wasp on one of my patio chairs. As I have an unreasonable, unrealistic fear of things that fly and sting - a behavior learned from my mom- I was deeply concerned to find that 6 wasps have decided my balcony light fixture is now home.
As horrified as I am of these little neighbors, I have been watching them regularly through my patio sliding door.
They really are fascinating. Watching them communicate and groom their antennas is so very interesting.
What I should do is go out there and spray them with the most vile wasp spray I can find and yet all I seem to be able to do is stand and watch as they do their little wasp-y things.
The scientist in me seems to have won for the moment.
Question 1: It is soon to be too cold for them to do much, why are they re-homing now?
Question 2: What species are they as I do not recognize them? (pictures to follow when I get the nerve up to get that close)
Question 3: Why MY balcony?
Question 4: Is there some scent or olfactory mechanism I can use to make them go away? In light of the fact I don't want to kill them now that I have watched them for several days??

I will keep you posted on what the outcome is.

Home is where the heart is

I have finally moved into my place. When your stuff was in four places, it takes forever to move. Finally, I have most all my stuff here at the apt and unpacked. It was like Christmas---"I own that??!! Wow, I totally forgot I had that!!"
Home could not be nicer. Living alone is nice, I don't want to do it forever, but for now it is great. I can cook how I want, run around naked or whatever I decide to do. The fish tank is up and running but no fish as of yet. I will be off to the pond store soon for new fishy friends. Both the bike and the car are happily settled into the garage. I think my BF's bike is lonely, as my bike was living in his garage, but the bikes see each other often as do he and I!
I feel like an adult again!

Shift Change

My internship is officially over! Yippee! However, I was politely asked if I would be interested in night-shift as I was originally hired for days. I thought, why not - the money will be nice and let's see if I like it. If it really sucks I have a day position I can have back. We will see.

I start this Friday and Saturday night. I have always kinda been a night owl so maybe this will be better than I think. Having had to get up at 0500 for the last several months, I am trying to transition this week. Wish me luck. I will have to find things to do in the night time I am not at work!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

A New Beginning

When I started martial arts almost 10 years ago, I was told the learning does not start until after the black belt. No statement could be more true.

I had my first sword lesson yesterday and wow, I know nothing. I am a little sore and very happy about adding an obsession! ;-)
As my living arrangements settle down, I hope to keep adding back to the exercise. Studying sword is something I have wanted for a long time. It will take a lifetime to not cut off my own arm while drawing, but I am willing to put in the time. It is obvious to me sword will encompass all aspects of the other arts I have studied.

I have to discover where I will train for empty hand. I will not be returning to my former school, I just have to decide where to go and what to do.
A completely new discipline?
Similar discipline, new school?
I don't know yet.
I will be trying to return to the weapons class as a whole, I love the weapons. The empty hand will take a bit of figuring out. I am sure the right thing will come along.

Lessons From the Green Channel

I was at my BF's house (he has cable and a TV - two things I don't have) and we watched the Green Channel. It is all about going green and how to do little things to reduce your environmental foot print.
One thing really hit home with me. Mail. Junk Mail.
It showed this one family how much junk mail they get in one year. Mostly this junk mail consisted of catalogs. It was staggering - a wall of catalogs about 6ft tall, 2ft wide and about 8 ft long. Amazing! The discussion illustrated how much trash and land fill you can reduce by discontinuing your junk mail.

I started to do just that. Every time I get a catalog in the mail, I call and D/C it being sent to me.
I realized that I use the catalogs as entertainment; to sit mindlessly and flip thru the pages. Why do I do that? And a better question, why was I a teeny bit sad that this catalog was no longer going to greet me from my mailbox?
The power of advertising. The power of getting something with your name on it! Remember when you were a kid and you got that first piece of mail that was addressed to you? That feeling? I think that is what keeps us wanting this extraneous mail to just keep showing up in the mail box.
Well, I am trying to cut down on the trash! No more catalogs for me.
It's not like I shop any way!
Do the environment a favor, get rid of the crap in your life. No more extra crap!

I still dislike house hunting

My strange gift continues to get houses sold, just not in my favor. I have bid on more houses, all to be sold or under contract or the sellers want to negotiate some other things not initially discussed. I know why that one was on the market for 160 days!!

I put a deposit on an apartment today and will be moving this Friday unless some unforeseen house miracle occurs.
Heavy sigh....

I guess the house buying will have to wait for a bit...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Best Thing Since Harry Potter

I have just finished a series of books. I have to say, it is as if I have lost a best friend. These are the books by Stephenie Meyer, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. It has been a really long time since I have read anything so captivating (much less fiction) and just plain FUN to read. The last time I enjoyed anything so much was the Harry Potter series. Yes, these rank up there with Potter.

The four books chronicle a story about truest of true, soul-mate love, its obstacles, acceptance and vampires and shape-shifters (werewolves). It is not the blah same-old-same-old vampire and werewolf thing. The story boils down to standing up for those you love, what is right and what is wrong and accepting people as they are, knowing we all make mistakes. It is a beautiful story any way you slice and it is absolutely fun to read! Beware, once you open the cover, putting them down is incredibly difficult.
Happy reading!

The Lucky Charm

Apparently, I have a previously undiscovered gift. The gift of getting houses sold. I have now bid on four houses in the last month. A couple of them were uninteresting to the the public until I bid and then, there were several simultaneous offers. I will know tomorrow if this most current bid will hold. I really hope so.

I also accompanied my Realtor to a showing he had to schedule that was for a leasing. It was a large house and the lease was $2500 monthly. The people were very interested. I saw my Realtor today, and they did lease the house.

He now believes I am his lucky charm. There have been at least 4 other houses that I called to come sign papers for a bid but, alas, they too were instantly sold.

"What is it with you?" He asked last week. "Will you go look at my two listings I can't seem to sell and think of putting offers in, so that I can sell them please."
My "gift" is not working to my favor. I am hoping, once I start the real estate thing in earnest, this gift WILL work to my advantage!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Rain in August??

Since when does it rain in August? With this strange occurrence, people still don't believe there is a global climate change happening??!!
Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but does this mean in another couple decades we will be in a tropical rain forest? It is muggy enough!

I Dislike House Hunting

I did not win the bid on the house, not surprising, it was a deal! The hunt continues! I have found that house shopping is the same for me as all other shopping: I don't like it.

I don't care for any shopping unless it involves horses, cars or motorcycles. Houses do not fall into any other those categories.

I will either buy something in the next two months, or I fear I will be renting. My sanity is starting to fade with the level of disorganization that exists in my life. I lose stuff, I put things up and then can't remember where I put them up (the storage facility?? Under my bed? Is it at John's house?)
Heavy Sigh....

Yes, housing must be found and sooner rather than later.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Wish me Luck!

I actually bid on a house this weekend. My offer was pretty beneficial to me, so it may not be so tasty to the seller. Considering the seller is a bank, maybe they won't care...
We will see.

It needs updating, but is functional and intact. I can do lots of home repair things and work lots of power tools.
I really like power tools......(maniacal laugh)

The outside needs lots of grooming (Enter more power tools), but can be very pretty with not a whole lot of additions. Two mostly dead tress need to be turned into firewood that will be oh so nice this winter. Provided, of course, the 109F weather actually does ever cool off. The need of fire is but a distant dream....

The major stuff with the house is updating the kitchen (new counter tops, appliances, laying tile, painting cabinetry and new hardware), painting the house over all, and updating the bathrooms. New carpet is in order, but I can probably live with what is there for a bit. Eventually I will pull up the laminate and put down hardwoods in the front room and the hallway.

I could live in the house for a while or turn it next summer. It just depends on life and what the market is like. And that pesky thing of cash flow.

Real Estate is what I have wanted to get into for a long time. My nursing career will allow me to do that, and, house remodel will give me something to do on my days off!

I am dangerous when bored....
The question is; am I less dangerous turned loose with power tools...?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Popular but Unorthodox Drug Names

Levophed - Leave'em Dead: This is a vasocontrictor (tightens your blood vessels) and if overdosed, your extremities can necrose from no blood flow and lack of oxygen. It does its job very well. Use with caution!!

Milk of Amnesia: This is the slang for Diprivan (propofol). It is a milky white drug given IV that is used for sedation. It is VERY quickly metabolized so don't run out! By the time you get back from the drug room your patient will be waking up!

Vitamin A: This is for Ativan. Ativan is a wonderful anti-anxiety med that you give to your patients who are a pain in your neck and freaking out. Everything is better when everyone is calm.

MONA: This one is real: Morphine, Oxygen, Nitroglycerin, and Aspirin. This is the acronym for what the first line treatment for heart attack is.

Other interesting euphemisms....

Code Brown: This code occurs precisely after you have given your patient a bath and changed the linens...Yes, they crap everywhere!! Code Brown! Damn why don't we have a rectal tube on this guy??!??

First Hard Day

I had my first challenging day in the ICU. My patient who was on 7 different IV's tried to die...all day long.

It was a constant day of running, no lunch till 3PM and then you look up and see that it is already 5PM. Crap I still had lots to do! I feel as though I kept it together but it was oh so messy. My charting has a ways to go before it is good and knowing what drug to push when and how fast is a distant dream I hope to attain one day.

And FYI, when the monitor takes the blood pressure and it comes back with "unable to assess" that isn't a malfunction, that means there is no measurable blood pressure.


Keep'em Alive Till Seven O Five!!


I went to watch my friend ride his bike at the Eagle's Canyon track in Slidell, TX. Both cars and bikes race there. The track is about 3 miles long and has elevation changes as well as left and right turns.

It was great fun and definitely whetted my appetite to gear up and ride the curves there at the track. My friend rides in Level 3 and his wife goes for a while and watches thru her fingers as he zips around the track. ( He had a bad wreck on a country road last year) It looks like great fun! I am shooting for next year as a place to live is first priority. There were all kinds of bikes there, all fast of course, but I did see another Duc like mine in the beginner class. Lo and behold a woman was riding it too!

The track will wait for a while, but it is very close to the top of the list!! It looks like too much fun to avoid for very long!

House Hunting...

I have officially started house hunting. I am approved for a mortgage and am looking for a new residence. I have found some interesting places and am researching on in particular at the moment. All the ones I have looked at will need a little TLC, but I am good at the fixit thing and I like doing it.

Wish me luck in my searching!! It is kinda scary, but I think it will be just great in the long run.
You gotta live somewhere!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Shift Two on the Neuro-ICU Floor

In a nut shell:
  • Busy as hell
  • People ventilated
  • More drugs than you ever imagined
  • Keeping some people alive who should be happily dying at home
I know it's blunt and I know it is painful beyond words, but if I get to be 90+ and am in the ICU, will some one please unplug me.

'Cause I will be done by then.

What You Never Think About Missing

I am sure that all of us, at one time or another, have thought about what it will be like when our parents age and, inevitably, when they are no longer with us. I know I have.

What I did not think about was how it would be if my mom was here...but not. I never thought about what it would be like for her to be here, her body, her form, and yet she not be the same individual.
This is currently the case. The person who raised me is no longer present, only someone who looks like her and has some of her memories, although less and less with each passing day.

What I never thought about missing...
I miss having parents.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

What Your Gut Tells you

After two weeks of ICU related classes, I have come to the conclusion that your nursing skills are indeed important, but what really is a necessity to the nurse is intuition. I have been told story after story of how that inner voice made the difference.

Learning to trust the inner voice is what separates nurses from the great nurses, as so I have been told. Another attribute required is a mouth and the comfort using it. Check, I think I have that one already. I'd rather be wrong and learn something and have my patient be OK than to be right, keep my mouth shut out of fear, and have someone's health decline or worse. Fear is so debilitating, but I diverge...

Trusting that "feeling" and developing that ability to listen from within when all hell is breaking loose is as essential as mastering the skills I have to learn not to mention the labs, assessment and the personalities of the Docs. In the last couple years I have had severe lessons in learning to deal with people, especially people who present one persona and yet are something completely different. Hopefully, this past experience will help with dealing with all the people I have to deal with. My hope is that all my martial arts will help me listen "on the inside" as well as keep it together when the fecal material hits the rotary machine.

I'll keep you posted on how things go. Now that I have a license, I want to keep it.

The Wait is Over!

It's official!!

There is an RN behind my name!!!


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Please Excuse my Nausea!

This morning I took my NCLEX; or my state board exam for my Registered Nurse license.
I am so glad that is over!!

The test is a computer adaptive test, meaning it gets harder as you answer questions correctly. The minimum number is 75 and the maximum number is 265. My test stopped at 75 and my questions became really difficult. I hope this is a good sign. I will know for sure if I have an RN after my name or if I did really poorly by Monday.

Wish me luck, I have wanted to hurl all morning!!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Two Weeks Down

I just finished my second week at my new job and am having lots of fun! I have started the ICU specific classes as of Friday.
The difference when your instruction comes from someone doing what they are teaching is incredible. The instructors have great stories to help your brain hang the information on. Everything is interesting and memorable. Obviously there is the thought of needing this one day to keep someone from dying. I guess that is incentive as well!

My first time of 3-12s in a row is this next weekend; Saturday, Sunday, Monday. I am looking forward to being on the floor!

Saturday, June 07, 2008


I have acquired my next bike; a 2003 Ducati Monster 800. I am in love. It is, drum roll please, SHORTER than my last bike by about 3 inches (who would have thought three inches would be so amazing...but I diverge), it is my favorite motorcycle color, bright bumble bee yellow, and it is so well balanced it is a breeze to ride! I am already trying to throw it through corners. It had very low miles on it as well. I took it at the shop for a 6K mile tune up and to take it apart to look it over in detail. The sale "vet-check" had already went well. There are a few things I want to change, but overall, I am thrilled. I got a nice lesson in motorcycle maintenance and repair today when I went up to the shop to see how things were doing. Very cool!
Things I want to personalize:
  • Clutch slave cylinder
  • Handle bar risers
  • New tail light package
  • New grips (Done already - thanks Johnathon!)
  • Find a manual
I cannot wait to take it to the track!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Genotype Matters Not!

I can't believe I am actually going to say that President GeeDubya did something good; but here goes.
The president signed into law legislation protecting those with imperfect genes from discrimination.
GINA (Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act,) protects those people who utilize genetic testing to ascertain if they have certain genetic abnormalities. This law protects those individuals from insurance companies denying these people coverage.

I don't think the law protects these people from price-gouging, but I guess it is a start....
However, the law does protect people from premium increases or different premiums based on the genetic info people voluntarily find out.

Genetics and scientific advances in general pose so many ethical and financial questions for our society to grapple with now and in the future. These will be difficult questions to answer and no doubt we will answer lots of them wrong initially.
We just gotta keep learning...
Just because we can, does not always mean we should.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Life need not be easy, provided only that it is not empty." Lise Meitner

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Quote of the Day

You'll never leave where you are till you decide where you wanna be

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Forward is the best direction….

We have a saying in nursing; If you mess up, fess up. I have applied this to my everyday life over the course of my nursing instruction. It illustrates the obvious; really, what good is any experience in life, unless you learn from it? The most egregious errors one makes with the most painful of results are always the most instructive if one only faces them and learns from said error. Pain is an excellent teacher. I am old enough to know that nothing nor any person is perfect. Perfection is a direction one strives for, knowing its possession is always out of grasp.

With mistakes, whether they are in work, person relationships, balancing your checkbook or whatever, growth as a person can come from any error. “Failing is just an opportunity to learn,” a quote often used and perfectly stated. But what of the people whom continue to make the same mistakes, choosing the same behavior repeatedly, regardless the outcome? Of the truly painful errors on my part, I will never repeat again, having learned volumes and having said errors define my person – for the better in my opinion. What makes others continue along that same erroneous path? Why not ask “Why” something happened instead of just plodding along, thinking, “Well, I’m gonna do that again, done it before…I’m sure it is still a bad idea…”

Mistakes are an opportunity to look really long and hard in the mirror and grow. Is growth really so frightening? Painful, without doubt, but I’d rather learn about the fire once, than get repeatedly burned.

So as I enter my life as a nurse and continue life personally my mantra is stead fast: if you mess up, fess up!! I just get to learn something new…

New Direction

I am so very glad that I am a Graduate Nurse! I have to take the boards and then survive the internship that is my new job. I still have lots of hurdles to cover, but I am re-fueling to be able to handle all of that.

One of the great things will be going back to my martial arts. Many interesting things await, I am sure, as you always miss out when you are not there. At any rate, I look forward to teaching and sweating, kicking and punching once again. Oh, and the stretching!!

Maybe an element of schedule can return to life.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

It's Official!

I have officially graduated nursing school! Graduation is Thursday and I am so excited that it is over! I have many more hurdles to clear, but I think I can get that done. Yippee!!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Shopping in Earnest

I have officially sold Moose. I delivered him to his new home last night! WooHoo!

The shopping for something different now will be in full swing. I am going to get my final done first, but then I will be shopping to buy.
The list has changed somewhat:
2002-2006 Ducati Monster (620 or 800)
same year of Suzuki SV650

So far, that is what I am mostly interested in. I am just happy to have found a home for Moose! I am sure she will really enjoy learning on him. At 5'10" Moose's height is no issue for her!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

When the Past Creeps in...

I have one more test before nursing school is officially over.
I also have a ridiculous terror of failing it.

It is so irritating when, your normal, confident, "I know I am on the right path," mind set can be unhinged by some stupid bad juju from your childhood.

I have this fear that I will have come this close and have worked this hard, and I will screw it up at the last moment. Man, am I the only weirdo out there?

My logical brain totally gets that this is not going to happen, because I will do all the things I must to be prepared and do well. This brain also knows that failure is not an option, so stop worrying with it.

Then there is the part that stills hears my dad screaming, "You don't have the sense god gave a goose! You'll never amount to anything!!" Thanks dad.

Throughout my life, I believe facing things and dealing with it up front is the only way to go. I believe that as of late now more than ever. Therefore, I thought I would blog for everyone's enjoyment of my state of agitated sympathetic neural response.
Yep, heart rate's up, blood pressure is up, fight or flight is in full gear....
Oh, that is on the next test.....

Food Rationing in the US

A friend alerted me to this article about Food Rationing in the US. With the globe being smitten with a food shortage, retailers are rationing food here to help meet demands elsewhere in the world. So much of our grain stores are being used for "PC" things such as bio-fuels, we are not feeding our body's engine but the engine of our cars. The inefficiency of bio-fuels, we can discuss later. Other crops are at risk as well; wheat did not do well at all last year and prognosis for this year is a little scary what with the weather forecasts.

As a nation, the US has to start putting needs of our planet and our societies at a higher priority than "me, me, me." The US consumes large amounts of resources in comparison to the rest of the planet. At some point, we have to stop.

Where does the overwhelming need to consume come from?
Do our kids really need that many toys?
How is it that having a so much "stuff" has come to replace enjoying life?

I was talking with a nursing student friend about when he and his wife and family of 4 kids were in Virginia for the summer. He said, "We brought clothes and something to drive. That was it, no stuff or nick-knacks. It was so much better." He and I both agree, less is more in so many ways.
De-clutter, remove the things in your life that are causing you strife and practice KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid).
The kissing part can be great too!.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The end is at hand.

I have one more lecture, one more test and one more shift at the hospital. Then it's over. Really, really over.

I almost can't believe it. It is surreal!

Yippee, almost there!


I have several people looking at my bike this week, so wish me luck on re-homing Moose. I will miss him, but not his height. The only think I like really tall is my man!
I have just about decided on my 2nd choice. I have had huge problems giving up the performance aspect of my Ducati. I have been looking at a Ducati Monsters from 2002-2004. These have the umphf I so love and that Ducati sound - oh yeah. Price wise it is a good deal and, wait for it, they are lower!! I will be able to touch the ground, key point. There is a gorgeous 2004 Monster 800 at Full Boar cycles in Richardson. I am liking it more and more. It is the right color too, bright yellow!

My shopping continues, and hopefully, I will be bike-less by the end of this week.
Not for long!!

Friday, April 11, 2008


Life, school and obligations for graduation have really been a pain this semester. I finally got to go to martial arts this past Tuesday. It was so great to get back to it. It is crazy how much you miss causing yourself lots and lots of pain.

As school settles down and graduation comes and goes, martial arts attendance, for me, will hopefully improve. I have been giving lots of thought to my next belt test and have practiced my demo a couple times. I hope it works out well. I also want to get back to the weapons class as sword is definitely something I want to learn - or at least try to learn.

Upcoming events:
  • Graduation May 8th
  • Large party to quickly follow (probably should plan that...)
  • Work for a bit longer at UTSW
  • Start my internship
  • Try to keep up!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Aprilla Shiver

This year there were a few bikes at the auto show. One that I was allllll about was the Aprilla Shiver. 750cc engine, and the naked look that I like, it even seemed like it might be short enough. It was on a rear stand and I could still touch the ground.....At around $9K, not too bad. I might have to test ride those one day!

2008 Auto Show

We went to the Dallas Auto Show this year. My fav's were the Aston Martin DB9 (gorgeous!!), the Audi R8 (ooohh ahhh) and for giggles and economy, the smart car. Obviously, the Porsche is always at the top of the list. So beautiful, so elegant, so fast. Gonna have to own one of those one day...

The new BMW 1 series are great! The convertible was very nice, but I think I liked the coupe even better. With numerous seat adjustments and the BMW comfort, they should be a top seller. It think that is what my friend Jen is getting. Great choice. I also love the M6 and the 6 series of BMW. I am really drawn to the body style.

I still feel as though Subaru has ruined the WRX. The front end is as generic as a Camry and totally unattractive. I will be driving my WRX until it falls apart and is no longer repairable. With Subaru's track record that will be quite a while.

If you like cars, you gotta go to the auto show!


I have my motorcycle on Craig's list hoping to find it a new home. As much as I love it, I want something I can actually touch the ground while straddling. Someone contacted me and we met up for him to have a look. Loved it, and called back later and said he wanted it. So I thought, cool! But, alas, he backed out considering he has been in the US only 4 months and has already bought a house and a car. Understandable!!
I will continue to try and sell it and I know it will happen in good time. I am determined to re-home Moose! Other bikes await me!
This time around I will begin the search by riding as many bikes as I can get near. The dilemma is thus:
I like performance
I want to touch the ground
Shorter performance bikes are really expensive
I don't think cruisers are going to do it for me

Heavy sigh,
I am sure the right thing will come along.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Girl Moments

I have found as the end of school nears, I am prone to "Girl Moments." I think it is the stress and long-term tired I have going on right now. Girl Moments are really foreign to me as I am not the cry or emotionally out of sorts type of female. Mind over matter!
But a week ago, there I was, not being able to sleep and very upset.

I think as you near the end of something you have worked really hard at; school, a new job, marriage, kids leaving for college; your psyche senses the change. Change brings new horizons and the unknown. I think the "new" flushes out some insecurity or trepidation of finishing the "known" and the "Holy crap!!" of starting something new.
Hence, the Girl-ness.
I am better now and don't feel quite so upset. It is just time to live in one place, have one thing to do for a living and find a routine again.
As the light grows brighter at the end of the tunnel, closer is the end of one journey. The light is another journey about to begin.
Holy Crap!

Sunday, March 23, 2008


This weekend, I helped move my mom and sister into a new rental property. My mother's condition had deteriorated to the point that living alone was no longer a good idea.

We got my sister moved from her place (and out of the situation) in a couple hours. My mom took a little longer as there were a few more items of furniture and LOTS more clothes!

I cannot really verbalize how proud of my sister I am. She has made a decision to leave the worthless individual she was involved with and pursue a better life.

She has also chosen to step up to the responsibility of helping care for my mom. No simple task.

Her accomplishment of will is extraordinary. She chose to have a better life and step into the unknown because it had to be better than where she was.
I am so proud of her.
She did it.

All of my siblings and I are are universally supportive. She will be successful, I have faith.
It will take a while to settle into a new routine, for her and for mom. But it will be beneficial for both.

Way to go Sis!!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Spring Break is almost over...

Today is good Friday and the end of Spring Break is looming! I have one more assignment to finish and ALL of my assignments will be done and turned in for the rest of the semester!!!

This is very exciting!
I have been busy, busy this week with all that, getting my mom and sister ready to move tomorrow and working. The week has flown by! As the end of school is in sight, I have a sense of impatience that got to me a little this week. I am very ready for the nomadic life to end. It is strange what you miss; routine, your stuff, cooking, cleaning house.....I'll never gripe about cleaning again. I miss keeping a house and everything that goes along with it.

Although really busy, it was a tough week too. Of course the end in this case justifies the means, but the means is getting really, um, stale. I just keep telling myself it will be over soon.
And it will.

It's good for more than you think!!

This is a fun article in Women's Health, which is one of my favorite magazines. It's about weight loss tips and how the more sex the better. I can't think of a better way to lose weight! I also read in Playboy last month that it is estimated that over 40% of marriages are sexless marriages. No wonder lots of people are overweight, depressed and angry. It's all just a vicious circle!!

Laughter, friends, lots of sex and organizing your life so that it is happy is the way to go! The first three are the major part of the last one! Go home and get it on with your significant other, call your friends to keep up and go work out! WooHoo!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Dolphins Saves Whale and Baby Whale

CNN has a story of a dolphin in New Zealand assisting a stranded whale and her baby to safety!!

Very cool!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Spring Break!

As of today, I am officially on Spring Break! I have all next week off and my hope is to get the rest of the semester's assignments done and turned in. I also hope to sleep A LOT. The irregular schedule I have to keep between work and school is wearing me down, especially since the Camp Summit Plague still pains me. I just can't get rid of the cough, or the nasal congestion.

Anyway, the ToDo list for now until next Sunday is thus:
  • Taxes
  • Lecture questions
  • Modules finished (3 is almost done, then 4)
  • SL project turned in (this is the assignment associated with Camp Summit)
  • Work
That is my list, very do-able in fact. After spring break, it is three more days of clinicals, 60 hrs of transition to nursing and then two tests. Then it will be OVER!!

I can then study for the NCLEX and (please, oh please) pass it on the first try. Wow, after that, the internship starts and I get to do only one thing professionally again.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Camp Summit Lives On...

Every single one of us who went to camp Summit have come down with some awful bug. I am so tired of being ill. I am on the mend, but all of us who visited germ mecca contracted some awful thing. Presently, most of us are on the mend, myself included. I do still get tired really easily, but it is improving.

Just goes to show how important daily, regular hygiene is. That was herd immunity I don't have!!

More rest, more fluids...(does that include vodka??)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

A Weekend at Camp Summit

This past weekend I was completing my service learning project for nursing school. This is basically 20hrs or more of community service. I and several of my fellow nursing school students chose Camp Summit to do our community service at. This is a camp for developmentally delayed or mentally retarded people. This weekend was adult weekend so the age range-chronologically that is- was 18 to 65 years old.

First of all, this is a very “outside the box” excursion for me. Admittedly, I am not so comfortable with the mentally retarded or otherwise “off” people. There are people who are much better at than I am. My ex-husband being one of them.

At any rate, the weekend was a good experience, even if it is one that I am ever so glad is finally over.

I came away from this weekend with a new and permanent appreciation of the fact that all my neurons are properly connected. I am equally thrilled that all my friends’ kids have their neurons properly connected.

This is a gift that we take for granted most of the time. Again, our health is something we take for granted because it has been here so long and we have never been without it.

Let me tell you, there are people who have never had a normal day in their lives.
Nor have their parents.

You could see the tired and lifetime of tired in some of the parents’ eyes that came to drop off kids. Then there was the group homes – homes where those who have no one and live in a group environment. This made me sad in lots of ways.

This weekend raised many questions for me personally; what is the reason for some of these people living among us? It is so difficult for them to be here, why are they still here? How will these people finally die? This question was especially prominent for those who are violent when you try to care for them. Right now, they are young and relatively healthy. Later, when old age kicks in, languishing in a bed or wheel chair can be truly awful.

Many difficult ethical questions coursed through my mind, and still do. The biologist in me says some of these people should never have made it out of the hospital. Just because we can save lives doesn’t always mean we should. The human in me says they have something to teach and we have something to learn. The logical person in me asks why are we doing this? To what end will this serve?

I don’t have answers to all these questions, or maybe not a lot of answers I am willing to post without explanation, but I think the answers to these questions will continue to evolve.

After all, the mind and the parachute are alike in their function; both work best open.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

It's Official

It is official, I accepted an internship with Presbyterian Dallas in the Neuro ICU. It starts in June, and is 16wks long, and the major bonus is it is a day shift! I am sure I will learn a great deal and all will go well. That is one major thing off my list!

That was one goal I had wanted to accomplish; have a job lined up by March. It is a load off knowing where I will go. So far, one other nursing student friend is going there as well. Two more are scheduled to interview. We will see.

I can't wait for this to be over, to have an adult life again. It is really starting to drag. Just a few more weeks!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

And so it begins....

I am not even half way through the semester and already the job interviews are looming. I have had one for a large hospital in the area (thank god it is NOT down town) for the neuro ICU. They did offer the position, but I have a second interview for the ER at the same hospital tomorrow.

I will have a job by Friday. It is a great feeling knowing that in February, 3 months before I graduate, I don't have to worry about having a job. If the ER (ED in more "current" terms - Emergency Department) offers, I then have to take a long hard look at me and decide which is better for my personality. I don't think either would be wrong, but I want to really give that some thought.

Of course the panic has set in as well. Holy S@@!!@@T, people will expect ME to answer their questions and possibly prevent them or their family from dying.....

Christy said the 4th semester panic is normal and that it will pass. Once in the internship, I will be too busy and overwhelmed to worry...

wish me luck!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Give your sweetie a hug, kiss and something extra!
Get naked!!
If you are sweetie-less, be happy with you!
Otherwise, sweetie may not be the adjective with which you describe the person you are with!

Have a happy day!
It is your actions, not what you buy, that makes the gift.

If I can make it through February...

My group finished our nursing project and presented it today! So much prep and it is finally done! I really must say, I think our group did the best of the 4 that presented today. We were organized, polished and everyone laughed and interacted so well in the discussion. Yeah!

Today reminded me that public speaking is something most people just don't do. It is very hard to get up in front of people and not read the power point. I have done so much presenting in science that I had forgotten how upsetting it is to most people to perform a presentation. Our talk was on delegation to the licensed personnel. A topic that is vague in its coverage in the board of nursing's guide lines.

All we have left to do is post to our online groups for final points. Oh, and that has to be done tonight along with the HW due tomorrow, and I have to take care of my mother's medications and fill out her application for a new residence, oh and at least say "hi" to my man. Whew....

By the end of February, the majority of crap, er, school "hoops" will have been jumped through.
Can't wait!!

Sunday, February 03, 2008

I am What Size?

I have interviews starting up this week. Having worked in a lab for 12 years, I obviously don't have anything that would be appropriate for an interview. No, most of my clothes have stains on them, bleach marks and are so frayed, they tickle my feet.

Consequently, I don't know how to shop, nor do I enjoy it at all.

In steps KP, the personal shopper who has also shopped with Jen. It is frightening how much help I needed.

Shopping with KP is quite the eduction and I am in her debt for a really long time. I see lots of sushi dinners in her future!

At any rate, success was had, we found a suite that is great, fantastic shoes ( I love shoes), and I learned that my sizing is "petite." Never would have guessed that considering the size of my, um, posterior, but nursing school will be over soon and the excess posterior will go away. Petite refers to my short appendages.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

What is it that really helps people?

This semester includes taking care of cancer patients. Having had a father that died of cancer, I have seen what goes on during treatment, physical decline and finally death.

My thought was, other than all the drugs, what really helps?

One of my charges this week included a wonderful woman with lymphoma. Newly diagnosed and very unsure of what to expect, we had the opportunity for lots of talk time and education. On the second morning of her care, she looked a bit frazzeled to me so I asked what was up. She explained how she just melted down yesterday and all the other feelings she has about what the treatments were doing to her life. Recognizing a fellow control-freak, I told her it was good she could get it all out and that melting down was expected and healthy. You can face it when it finally gets out.

She had no idea you should look at it that way; to her, it was losing control.

She said that helped so much. Just to be told what she is going through is to be expected, her reactions, acceptable.

Cancer can step into any life. If that life is outgoing, independant, healthy and happy with lots of activities, cancer interrups all of that. The frustration I have seen is worse sometimes than the drugs.

Just being able to talk to someone who says, "Hey, you are gonna melt down, it's OK," I think that helps too.

With how busy nurses are, we cannot lose sight that are first priority is nurturing. I hope I can keep that in mind through my career. If I lose sight of that, I think I'll do something else.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Breckenridge, the final say

Breckenridge was great fun! We did spend one day in Vail, as our lift tickets worked there as well.

Unless you are, oh, an Olympic level skier, don't bother. Green runs end in blacks or even moguls, the mountain isn't marked (we had to go uphill at one point), and not much is groomed. The lift lines were crazy long, but it was Saturday. It is stunningly beautiful. The whole place is right off a postcard with snow laden trees that are so perfect you can't believe they are real.

A new development, if we go back to Breck next year, I will try snowboarding again. I know, I know, glutton for pain and punishment, but at Breck, it is so much more conducive to learning. Nice, wide, gently sloping greens, no cliffs to fall off of like Winter Park. I have to try again, it looks like too much fun--still. I spent one morning with one of the bunch that was trying snowboarding for the first time. Just to see how much room there is to learn with, I gotta try again if we go back. I have heard beaver creek is the same way.

Snowboarding again...I have to!

Week Two of Semester 4

Ok, I am busy enough. Finally! With three classes, 20hr/wk work, family obligations and martial arts and the gym, I have attained busy again. Really busy.

I like this best! At the hospital were are doing the nursing stuff now. We are taking care of 2, 3, 4, sometimes 5 patients. We are responsible for charting and doing everything right. I have had the apparently common panic attack of, "holy crap, I may have to keep someone from dying." We have been told that said panic attack is normal fourth semester. It passed already-the panic attack that is. Haven't lost anyone yet....

Our additional class this semester is nursing management. It is all online, my favorite method, and involves lots of writing. I feel deeply for the few in our class who do not type. Sad day for them! Lots of lots of stuff online to type!

We do get to rotate through ICU and ER which I am looking forward to. These are on the possible list and I need to know what it's like.

That is the school update! Wish me luck keeping my head above water!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Thoughts From Friends

One of my nursing school buddies sent this out. I thought instead of forwarding it I would jsut posit it. I especially like 13, 14, 19 and 25.

40 Tips for an Exceptional, Healthy & Powerful Life in 2008!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Record your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to ____ today."
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation , prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10.Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan Salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts .
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life .
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does .
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about .
24. Burn the candles, use the nice bed sheets, Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business .
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. So stop complaining about the weather, the job, the bills, etc. Etc.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Do the right thing!
37. Call your family often.
38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: " I am thankful for ___." Today I accomplished ____.
39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pace. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride. Have a fantastic 2008!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Powder, Cold and Mountains

The annual skip trip is here! Basically, we are the same group with a few deletions or changes in those attending. We number 17 this year! Breckenridge is the locale and there has been tons of snow!
For those of you who read regularly, I admitted defeat this year and am happily skiing with friends! The snowboard wins and I sucked at it. I am skiing the blues and having a great time. The best part about our group is everyone skis with whomever is at their level. With a group of 17, there is always someone to ski with!

The high this week was 27 and we have already seen that. The high today was 19 with a wind chill of 4. BBBbbbrrrrr!!

I have sore thighs and my calves are having a small conversation with me, but other than that, I am great! The last run today felt really good with my legs not getting so tired. I must be doing something better!

John has already taken an entire 4gig card on his camera, so plenty of pics are a promise. Keep you posted on how the rest of the week goes!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

We Only Learn Through Failure

This is an excellent article about Failure by Oprah listed on CNN.

Our society always uses the word "perfect" when nothing is nor ever will be. We are supposed to, as a species continue to learn. How do we really learn?

By not succeeding....failing.

I know personally the lessons most valuable to me are the ones I learned through truly terrific error or failure.

I like how the article also addresses success:

"Success is as dangerous as failure," said Lao-tzu, and any life coach knows this is true. I can't count the number of times people have told me, "I hate the job I'm doing, but I'm good at it. To do what I want, I'd have to start at zero and I might fail."
Dwelling on failure can make us miserable, but dwelling on success can turn us into galley slaves, bound to our wretched benches solely by the thought, I hate this, but at least I'm good at it.

I also agree with the following that discusses a better attitude toward failing:

This is the magic of accepting that you've done your very best but failed. Own your failure openly, publicly, with genuine regret but absolutely no shame, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection -- the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

What is it in our society that makes most fear failure so intensely? How else do we expect to learn? I personally believe the most valuable things to learn are the most costly to us. Why would you want to go through pain, hurt, emotional turmoil or financial expense and learn nothing?
Not learning would be even more expensive.
Wow, because then you have to fail the same way again.
No thanks.